Page 33 of Lying to the Boss

“You’re one of those.”

“One of those?” he glances at me.

“Gets joy out of being spontaneous at the worst times.”

“The rest of my life is pure routine and mostly controlled by you.”

“I don’t control your life; I just keep it organized.”

“Right. And this,” he gestures around us, “is a nice break from all of that.” He looks at me. “You don’t agree?”

“I don’t know.” I scratch the back of my neck as we stop at the crosswalk and wait for the light to tell us to walk. “I like knowing what to expect, but on my own terms.”

“So you like being in control.”

“Don’t we all?”

“No, actually.” He laughs. “Plenty of people do not enjoy being in control, and they seek out a partner to give that control, too.”

“You’re talking like BDSM stuff?”

“Sure, but it doesn’t have to be labeled that way. It could simply be two people’s personalities.”

I nod in understanding. “Why are you so okay with it?”

“I’m not sure. I guess… I’m still in control.”

“How?”

“I tell you what I want, you do it. You’re taking the lead, but under my word.”

“But I could choose to go against you.”

“That’s where trust comes in.”

The light turns, and we and a group of other people walk across the road.

“Guess I don’t trust anyone enough then.”

It’s not something I didn’t know about myself, I’ve just never really said it out loud to someone before.

“It’s not easy,” he says with a shake of his head.

“Seems easy for you.”

“Not to sound like an asshole, but nothing you could do can touch me.”

“Ah, so there it is. It’s fake trust.”

“No, I mean, you could cause some damage. But not enough to ruin me.”

“You have enough power to not worry about other people, which means you’re always in control. You’re not really giving it up.”

“I give up some things.”

“It’s hard to compare when we’re in two very different positions, Lane.”

“I suppose you’re right.” He says it in a way that doesn’t make me feel weird about it, which is a surprise. Typically, this is something that’s touchy for me, but… his tone is almost comforting. I don’t feel like he’s being condescending.