Page 123 of Wag More Bark Less

I’d never seen him in his Legion attire. The navy-blue pants, white button-up shirt, and Legion cap. He cleaned up nicely. I bet he looked irresistible in a tuxedo. If the town posted his future wedding photos on their website, I’d have my answer.

“You’re wearing his shirt again,” Violet said, bumping me with her shoulder.

“It’s comfortable.”

“That’s all?”

“It’s also hiding the ten pounds I put on eating Ollie and Carson’s Halloween candy.” Both boys went with the Star Wars theme last night—Ollie dressed as Luke Skywalker, and Carson as Darth Vader. I had to admit, I loved being able to take them trick-or-treating. But having my mom as my plus-one felt off somehow. How was it possible to miss someone I hardly knew this much?

Because you love him, dummy.

“On a scale from pit of despair to bouncing around on clouds on a sugar high, where are you at?” Violet asked.

“What’s below the pit of despair?”

“Oh, Noles.” She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I was supposed to be helping her, and yet here she was comforting me.

I’d been going through the motions since I showed up—entertaining the littles, keeping them fed and as clean as anyone could keep two young, mischievous boys. I’d cleaned, cooked, and done more loads of laundry than I could count. And yet, I felt out of place. It wasn’t that I’d overstayed my welcome—my sister and brother-in-law would happily invite me to move in permanently—but it wasn’t my place.

I’d truly hoped that Lansing could feel like home. That I was the problem all along, and never gave my hometown a real chance.

But the truth was, Bluebell Springs was the only place I’d ever been that felt like mine. I missed it so fucking much it created a literal ache in my chest.

Ellie missed it, too.

She was always happy to see the boys, of course, but her usual pep was missing. She missed Luke maybe even more than I did. I stroked her fur softly. She opened one eye, licked my hand, and settled back to sleep.

I miss him too, Ellie Belly.

“Have you tried calling the man?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I already told you. He hasn’t reached out.” I sent Luke the texts he asked for when I first left. The last one was a picture of me holding my baby niece. He sent the simple, boring response of Glad you made it safe.

More than a month had gone by since that last message.

No texts.

No phone calls.

Not a peep.

Maybe he didn’t want me to come back.

At night, when I lay awake, unable to sleep, I replayed that last morning in my head over and over. But no matter how many times I went through it, not once did I remember Luke saying I should come back. He didn’t even kiss me goodbye.

We agreed our time was temporary, and neither of us had control over it ending so abruptly. But all the things he didn’t say spoke volumes. Luke wanted a wife, kids, a family. But he didn’t want it with me.

“Why haven’t you reached out to him?” Violet pressed once I pulled away and reached for the tissue box.

“What’s the point?”

“You’re the oldest,” Violet said, shaking her head. “You’re supposed to be the smarter, wiser one here.”

I blew my nose, waking Ellie.