Page 54 of Never Pucking Ending

But he’s interested enough to talk to her. That makes me relieved more than it probably should. Less guilty.

“Keep me updated on the planning board and permits, and I’ll get the materials when everything is approved,” he continues nonchalantly.

“Okay,” I say weakly because it’s the only thing I can think of. There’s no point in apologizing again. He wouldn’t accept it or find a need for it. And after a while, I sound like a broken record.

He doesn’t give me a peck on the cheek or a hug like I think he will. He reaches out, squeezes my arm gently, and watches me get into my car. Then he waits until I’m settled in before shutting the door behind me and waving me off.

It feels like goodbye, even though I know it isn’t. We’ll talk again. About the store. Work. Professional things. It’s a goodbye to the possibility of what could have been if my heart wasn’t such a stubborn bitch.

*

When I get home, I don’t hide in my room like I want to. I decide to put my big girl panties on and confront this situation the way it should be. Head on.

I’m nauseously sipping a glass of water in the kitchen when I hear him pull in almost an hour and twenty minutes later. He must have had to drop the guys off first or else something tells me he would have gotten back sooner. Hopefully, he gets Richie one of those giant burritos for dragging him along tonight. If not, I’ll have to make him those churros I promised.

It feels like forever before the code to the front door is punched in and Jesse is walking inside. He reactivates the lock, then the alarm, and walks down the hall until he sees me sitting on the countertop in the corner. He stops, tucking his hand into his front jean’s pocket.

He doesn’t waste his time with pleasantries and neither do I. I’m sure he knows that would only make me madder at this point.

Loosening a sigh, he steps into the kitchen and swipes a palm down his face. “It isn’t you that I wanted to keep an eye on,” he begins, gripping the edge of the island across from me. “I don’t like the idea of some dude swooping in and trying anything with you.”

His admission makes my heart do summersaults in my chest, and I have to beat it down with a mental stick. “Even though I told you it wasn’t like that?” I question, voice sounding funny even to me.

Jesse evades my eyes for a moment, staring at his calendar full of reminders that hangs from the refrigerator door. His jaw moves back and forth like he’s grinding his teeth. “It was like that, Belle. Maybe not for you, but it was for him.”

I think back to Dane calling me pretty for a microsecond before brushing that off. He also said he’s talking to his ex. That practically cancels it out. “How would you know?”

He scoffs, like I just asked him if the sky was really blue. “Because any straight man would be a fucking moron not to want to take you out. Not to try making a move.”

I go to reply but…can’t. My mouth opens, then closes just as fast when I realize I have nothing to say to that. It seems dangerous to ask him what he means because I wouldn’t believe it.

It isn’t that I don’t think I’m pretty. I am in an average kind of way. Some guys would consider me above that, and some under. I’ve been told I’d look better if I grew my hair out and lose twenty pounds, which is probably true. But I’ve also been told that my curves are sexy and that men love something to hold onto. Looks are subjective at the end of the day.

Jesse knows me way too well, and I don’t realize he’s studying my face until those thoughts cross my mind. “You know you’re beautiful,” he states, his eyes narrowing when I make no move to agree or disagree.

I slowly set my water glass down on the counter and meet his eyes. “I know I have a lot of great qualities. I’m confident.” Most of the time. “I’m independent and strong-willed. I’d like to think I’m funny and have a killer personality. And yes. I think I’m relatively pretty. I know I am.”

Jesse spits out one word. “Relative?” It comes out like a question that he must not have heard right. “Do you really not see yourself in the mirror the way I do? The way most guys do?”

“Jesse, can we not talk about—”

“No. We’re going to talk about it. Do you know how fucking annoying it is to hear my teammates drool over you because they think it’s attractive that you know exactly what’s going on at our games without anybody having to explain it? That you’re up there cheering the loudest of anybody and will fight anyone who says we’re not good enough? I’ve had to threaten almost every goddamn person I’ve skated with over the years not to hit on you.”

His teammates over the years have flirted with me, but it was banter. Innocent. I’ve returned the sentiment plenty of times with them in front of Jesse and never thought twice about it. It was always harmless fun and meant nothing.

Jesse cusses again, throwing his hand up in the air. “You didn’t know.”

“That’s not true,” I say weakly, blushing. “I mean, I knew they flirted. I just thought they did it to get a rise out of you.”

He deadpans. “That was only part of it. I knew you were oblivious to some guys’ advances, but I didn’t realize you were that blind.”

“Hey!” I protest, offended at his accusation. Even if I shouldn’t be. Because I was blind, but still. “Are you angry that guys want me or angry that I didn’t realize it? I’m getting some mixed signals here.”

“For Christ’s sak—” He cuts himself off, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Then two. Then a third. “I just find it hard to grasp that you don’t see what I do. But that’s beside the point.”

It’s really not, but if he doesn’t want to spend time on how he obviously thinks I’m hot that’s probably for the better. “Then enlighten me on what the point is. Because you’re losing me here.”

When our eyes lock again, the color of his seems darker and the bags under them do to. Has he not been sleeping? He’s been getting up early to run and make breakfast before leaving for whatever daily obligation he has, so I’d hope he’s been getting at least six hours of sleep. He goes to bed early most days, save the few he’ll stay up to watch TV with me, but that hasn’t happened in a while.