Page 54 of Slapshot Baby

They're resting against the warm cotton of his shirt, feeling his heartbeat underneath. It's faster than it should be.

So is mine.

"Kai, I can't date you."

"Why?"

"Because you've lost four years of your life and you don't know who you are yet. Starting something with me right now would be convenient, not real. You'd be choosing me because I'm here, not because you actually want me."

"I actually want you."

The words hit me square in the chest. I shove them right back out again. He has no idea what he’s talking about.

"You want the woman who shows up with pastries and organizes your kitchen and drives you to restaurants. That's not the same thing."

He leans down until his mouth is level with my ear.

"I want the woman who yelled at me when I tried to push her away, who refused to leave when I told her I wasn't her project."

His lips brush my earlobe.

A shiver runs the entire length of my body.

"That's who I want. Tell me that's not real."

I can't breathe properly. My fingers curl into his shirt.

"We're friends, Kai."

"You say that a lot."

"Because it's true."

"It gets less convincing every time."

He pulls back enough to look at me. His brown eyes are steady, certain.

He's right. The words have a hollow ring to them.

I step back. His hands fall from my hips.

"I should go. Biscuit needs to be walked."

"Biscuit is asleep on my rug."

I look. She is, in fact, snoring.

"She needs to be woken up and walked. It's a medical thing."

"You're making that up."

"Good night, Kai."

I scoop up Biscuit, who opens one offended eye, grab my bag, and head for the door.

"Ava."

I stop. Don't turn around.