Page 44 of Slapshot Baby

"I saw practice from up there," I say.

"How did I look?"

"You're cheating to your forehand on the entry. You did it four times. The backside was open every time."

He blinks. "I thought I cleaned that up."

"You didn't."

He grins. "Still coaching from the press box. Classic Cap."

The nickname settles on me like a jersey that doesn't fit. They call me captain, but I don't feel like one.

Brennan appears in the doorway.

"Kai. To my office in five minutes."

The meeting is short. He tells me the same things Dr. Harold told me: rest, patience, incremental progress. He says the team's holding steady without me, which is meant to be reassuring but isn't.

"When you're cleared, we'll build you back into the lineup gradually."

"I don't want to be built in gradually."

"That's not your call."

"It should be."

His expression doesn't change. "Come watch practice whenever you want. Stay off the ice until your doctors say otherwise. That's not a suggestion."

I drive home in silence. The radio stays off. My hands grip the wheel at ten and two, the way I've held a stick my whole life. Left hand high, right hand low, ready to control whatever comes next.

Except nothing comes next.

The penthouse is empty. The afternoon light falls across the living room floor in wide, warm bands. Mira left a note saying she’s gone out to buy groceries.

I sit on the couch, stand up then walk to the kitchen. Open the fridge. Close it.

The city stretches below the windows, indifferent to the fact that I have nowhere to be and nothing to do.

Hockey was the answer to every question I've ever been asked. What do you do? Hockey. Who are you? Another hockey answer. What comes next? The next game, the next win.

Without it, the questions don't have answers.

Now, I have nothing else to do.

Before I think about it properly, I pull out my phone.

My thumb hovers over Ava's name. She told me she doesn't want what I'm offering. She pushed me away and walked out.

But she also kissed me back hard enough to make me forget I was standing in a hospital room. That part keeps playing on a loop.

I hit call before I can talk myself out of it.

Three rings.

"Kai." Her voice is guarded.

"You weren't at the discharge."