Page 42 of Bound

Quickly I blinked, forcing my head to clear. “But I can’t have any of that. I can’t ever be with anyone that way. I’ve had partners. But attachments are a problem for someone like me.”

“We’re bonded.” The words were quiet, so infused with pain and longing that I shivered. Did he think I didn’t want this? That protecting us both didn’t kill me each and every goddamn day?

“I’ve spent every moment since the day my magic awoke at twelve fighting to repress the monster inside me. I see myself through their eyes when my magic forms a connection, do you get that? I’m not a person. I’m a drug they’d do anything for one more hit of. I’m poison. And I’ve never been able to let my guard down, even for a second. You shouldn’t want me. You should want to get as far away from me as possible.”

I didn’t realize I’d swiped at my eyes until Topher caught my wrists, prying them oh so gently away.

“You wanna know what I think?” His thumbs grazed my cheekbones. My wolf arched at the contact, so desperate for his touch, for him, that I couldn’t stop the sudden shaking that shivered through my bones.

“I’m almost afraid to ask.”

He traced a single traitorous tear from the crease of my nose, cupping my face like he was afraid of breaking me. Which only made a second tear fall.

“Yeah, you have this power. And anyone who can do scary shit needs to be a little freaked out about it, or things quickly go to the dark side.”

“So for clarification, am I Anakin in this analogy, or more of a hot misunderstood Thranduil?”

He kissed the tip of my nose. My heart exploded, fluttering like a thousand moths lay trapped in the cage of my ribs, the ache of all the things I wanted and couldn’t have so sharp I could feel my throat wanting to close. This, whatever it was, this softer version of him, of us, felt new and far more dangerous.

“What matters is intent. I feel you beneath my skin, know how you’ve tortured yourself all these years to make sure you wouldn’t hurt another person. Your magic can do terrible things, but you would never let it. You aren’t like the others. You saved me. Every day I live is a gift because the vampires nearly destroyed my mind, and in that terrible second, when I was convinced I couldn’t live with the pain any longer, you didn’t let go.”

He was really determined to break me. I pulled away, scrubbing my face.

“You’re fiercely loyal. Selfless and unwaveringly good. You’re an amazing brother and teacher. And you sheltered me until I could make myself whole again. You aren’t broken. You aren’t poison.” He hesitated, leaning back against the railing while I wiped my face on my shirt sleeve. “I think on some level this is about you, too. You don’t believe you deserve to be happy. And the flip side of knowing you could force your feelings on someone else is never truly knowing if their feelings for you are sincere.”

God, he was right.

“Topher,” I whispered, voice ragged.

“If you’re unsure, if you really don’t want this, then say the word and I’ll never bring it up again. But if you’re only saying we can’t be together because you have some twisted idea that I can’t decide for myself whether this is right for me, or worse, because you intend to punish yourself until the end of time for saving my life that day, then that’s a really lame reason to keep torturing us both.”

I wiped my face. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds pretty fucked up.”

“I’ve been held prisoner by vampires. Your brother accidentally infected his mate with lycanthropy. Ethan was ordered by your father to stay away from Hayden, even knowing they were in love. Show me an example of a relationship in your world that isn’t messed up, and tell me again why we don’t have a shot when all I want to do from the moment I wake up is read your snarky texts and check for books left out on my doorstep because I love the way your mind works.” He traced a thumb over my bottom lip, slanting his mouth softly over mine. I let him take control of the kiss, drowning in the electric charge that lit me up any time we touched.

His phone began blaring the theme from Twilight. He fumbled for it. Frowned at the screen.

“Really, now? I mean, I get that it’s Pattinson and all, but—"

“Hardly.” He held it out where I could see.

Vlad: Have you considered my offer?

Topher: We need more time.

Three blinking dots appeared.

Vlad: You should hurry.

Beside me, Topher rubbed his bottom lip. “Something’s been bothering me. Them showing up tonight out of the blue… no way was that coincidence. The vampires that have been circling our territory every night? It’s them. I’m sure of it now. And… I think they’ve been guarding me.”

“Why—"

He shrugged. “They want the meet with Guillermo.”

But even as he said it, I heard the doubt in his voice. If Topher was right, and of course he was right, his spidey sense for detecting the undead was never wrong, they’d been out there for months, maybe even since Christmas. They hadn’t asked to meet with Guillermo until now. Why not make a move before then? Something about this didn’t feel right.

Topher tapped his thumbs against the screen, starting to type out a message.