Page 34 of Dark

“It’s been worse.”

“Do I need to have Violet bite you?”

“Violet?”

“Big eyes. Swishy tail. Sharp teeth. Has a thing for Dilly Bars.”

His lip twitched. “You named her?”

“Technically you did.”

I traced the sharp, angular scars, fingertips cool against his skin. Ethan leaned back against the pillow, intent on the progress of my fingers.

“I used to try leaving it off. I’d make it… hours. Once an entire day before the shakes and hallucinations got so bad I was forced to put it back on.”

“What changed?”

“You.” When my head shot up, he just nodded. “You left that night and… things got really bad for a while. I knew I needed to get help. Cal found someone I could talk to. I’ve been clean for over two years.”

The image of my father, strung out and unconscious on our couch, rose unbidden and unwelcome to the forefront of my mind, the enormity of what Ethan had done hitting me in a rush.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

The silence stretched.

“I told you I’ve never tried to be with anyone. Not for real. I’m screwed up, Hayden. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But sometimes I ask myself if maybe you should just stay away.”

I bit my lip. “So is that what you want? To run?”

“You want to know how many times I worried something about me got so messed up when I was a kid that I just can’t be in a relationship? At least not without hurting the other person. I’ve never done this before. I don’t know if I can.”

I looked down. “Do you even want to?”

“Be with you?” He clenched his fist so hard his knuckles turned white. “Sometimes, I think it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Why I tried so hard to stay away.”

“Why?” I whispered, staring into hazel eyes I’d memorized a thousand times.

His chest rose and fell, breaths coming too fast, as if I’d asked the one question he’d been dreading since I walked back into Dark, back into his life.

“Because I’m poison.”

“No.” I cupped his face in both hands, lifting his chin. A breath before our lips met, I whispered, “You’re mine.”

He tugged me forward into his lap, the kiss quickly growing urgent. But when I stripped his shirt off, running my hands down the sculpted muscles of his torso, he broke away, pressing his forehead to mine.

“Okay, so we have to talk about this.”

I bit his lip. “You’re such a cockblocker.”

“Yeah, and as much as I’m all up for this happening, things the other night got really effed up. It’s biological once the wolf gets in the driver’s seat, and neither one of us was fully in control of what we were doing. But if this is about to happen, I need to make sure we’re both on the same page.”

I sat back, face flaming. “Ethan, I—”

“Don’t. It wasn’t your fault. I’ve been a werewolf my whole life. I couldn’t stop the bonding rush either. It… happened. But if we’re gonna take that next step, this time it has to be all you and me.”

I held his eyes. “It is.”

He was so close I could practically taste the espresso and soap on his skin, wanted to run my tongue over the beard growth darkening his jaw. His thumb teased my bottom lip, lightly tracing the little silver ring.