Page 54 of Demons Dig Donuts

“Time is not exactly a luxury I have,” Indy said firmly. He heard the front door open, but he didn’t turn to see who had entered. “Is there another way to get in contact with him? Because I need him to cough up this stuff, like, now. Like, some sort of toll-free number to Faerie?”

“Need some help reaching out?” a familiar voice asked.

Indy found Nyp standing there, recognizing him immediately from his purple suit. He was in a human disguise—a Hispanic man with the same crooked smile he had as a demon.

“Oh. Yay.”

“We absolutely do not need anything from you,” Mr. Heiss said with a sneer.

“Come on now!” Nyp laughed. “Seems like your little pet is in need of some assistance, right? Please. Allow me to help.” He waved his hand. “I can get you an audience with Misingno.”

“And how are you able to do that?”

“Not everyone suffers the lacking personality you do,” Nyp said with a sweet bat of his eyelashes. “It is possible to make friends.”

Mr. Heiss snarled low. “I will peel your skin off and wear it as a fucking hat.”

“See? And that’s why you don’t have any.” Nyp chuckled, his eyes flicking over Indy. “Well, maybe just one.”

“Can you help us or not?” Indy drawled. “I’d rather keep the king of assholes over here in a good mood, so.”

“Of course! Here.” Nyp walked over to the tarot card flyer so he could pick off one of the phone number tabs. He slid his finger over it, and the numbers glowed. He tossed it in the air and a door appeared.

It was completely freestanding, heavy and wooden, and there was a small sign hanging on the knob.

THE FANTABULOUS MISTER ENIGMATICA MISINGNO IS:

Underneath that was a tiny hook upon which an even tinier sign hung.

IN

“Good! He’s home.” Nyp opened the door, but there was nothing there. It was literally an empty frame. He tapped the frame three times and then shut the door. He knocked three times and opened it again. Instead of the store, it now revealed a tropical beach.

White sand, clear water, palm trees.

Nestled in the shade up on the beach was a giant pinecone house. It looked like a child’s craft, complete with glitter, construction paper, and colorful pipecleaners, but it was absolutely huge and had multiple stories. There was a front patio made up of pinecone scales, framed in with the papery bits of the seeds, and needles holding it all together.

Sure.

Why not?

Nyp strolled right through the door, transforming into his demonic self and sporting a pair of purple swimming trunks. He waved for them to follow as he approached the front porch steps.

Indy clicked his tongue. “So. Following a demon into some fae realm? Are we really doing this?”

“For the sake of your caboose.” Mr. Heiss snapped his fingers and the register dinged, the ingredients now magically in a tidy little brown paper bag. “Let’s get this fucking over with.”

“Is it…” Indy found himself drawn to Mr. Heiss’s side, checking his nails and weighing the odds. “Look, is this fucking safe? Like, is this okay? Because it has been a fucking day, lots of monsters, I’ve already been tied up in the not fun way, and—”

“Trust that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Mr. Heiss lightly tapped Indy’s chin. “At least nothing too destructive.”

“Don’t wanna pick the ring off my mutilated corpse, huh?”

“Cleaning it would be a chore.”

“Wouldn’t even feel a tiny bit bad?”

Mr. Heiss smirked. “Only one way to find out.”