Page 55 of Raspados & Regret

The fridge hums back at me, judgmental as hell. My phone sits on the counter beside me, face down, silent for once.

Also judgmental.

Everything in my apartment has an opinion today. One thing I know for certain is I’m not going to kiss him. Not at the market. Not behind the booth or behind the trailers. Not even if he wears the little black shorts.

Especially not if he wears the black shorts.

I repeat this to myself later while changing after work, which is how I know I’m already in trouble. Every shirt in my apartment suddenly looks like an invitation to ruin my life. Too loose. Too tight. Too plain. Too much. Not enough. I stand in front of my dresser in black Dickies shorts and socks, glaring down at my clothes like one of them personally betrayed me.

Finally, I pick the white crop top.

Because it’s hot.

It’s practical.

I am not dressing for him.

It’s cut high, the sleeves are gone, and the hem is sitting above my navel. Shows my stomach. Shows the trail of hair disappearing under my waistband. Shows just enough that I already hear Elías running his mouth about it, and the imagined sound makes my jaw tighten.

I should change.

Nah, you know what… fuck it.

I add my silver chain. Swap out my earrings for some studs, slip on my rings, and then I look at myself in the mirror and immediately regret having eyes.

I look like a problem.

Not my problem.

Someone else’s.

Maybe his.

“No,” I tell my reflection, and my reflection looks unconvinced.

My phone buzzes on the dresser.

Lalo.Con.Limón

Don’t be late, crop top. It’s gonna be hella hot today, so you know it’s about to be busy as fuck.

Fabi.Sin.Filtro

Don’t be annoying.

Lalo.Con.Limón

So don’t show up? Let all the thirsty people on TikTok down.

I snort before I can stop myself, then I get mad at myself for snorting.

Lalo.Con.Limón

You should wear a white one today… we could have a wet t-shirt contest, and I’ll bet that will really bring’em in.

I stand still, and my eyes lift to the mirror. If I get wet, all my tattoos will show through. My nipple piercings will for sure, and I don’t know about the rest of the world… but once I notice some nipple piercings, my eyes don’t look anywhere else.

Fabi.Sin.Filtro