Page 112 of Raspados & Regret

Elías

Because I’m a guy?

The message sends before I can soften it. Before I can turn it into a joke. Before I can protect him from the question, before I can protect myself from the answer.

Fabián

Yeah.

I close my eyes because it hurts.

A little, and it’s not like he said it cruelly; it’s just that Fabián doesn’t know how to be gentle with his own truth yet, much less mine.

Another message comes.

Fabián

And because I wanted you way before I knew what to do with that.

Oh. That’s worse.

That is much worse.

My heart, traitorous little chismosa, drags a chair closer.

Elías

How long?

I regret sending it immediately, because it makes me seem too attached.

But I leave it.

Apparently I’m also a man who enjoys emotional danger before noon.

His reply takes a while. Long enough that I picture him looking at the altar, pretending to pray while trying to figure out how to confess something that is not going to fit in a text bubble.

Fabián

I don’t know.

Maybe longer than I’ll ever admit out loud.

My throat gets tight.

Elías

You always did stare like you were mad at my bone structure.

Fabián

I was mad.

Elías

At my bone structure?

Fabián