Page 72 of Murder Notes

“Agent Love,” he greets me.

“The Ghost,” I say. “I know who the assassin is, Kane.”

“Then you know you don’t just contact him. It takes time.”

“If you can’t, maybe Romano can? I’m pretty sure he’d be happy to help your ex just because I’m your ex.”

“Lilah,” he breathes out, his tone biting.

“This time, Kane, you really do have twenty-four hours.”

I hang up. He calls back. I ignore the call and open my Cheetos.

He sends me a text message: You WILL NOT go to Romano.

I stuff a Cheeto in my mouth and open my computer, powering it up and then thinking about what the old man said, and type “she bleeds because you bleed” into the search engine. The first search item is a movie called Take Me to Church, and it stars Jensen Michaels. I sit back in my chair, feeling punched in the gut. Jensen Michaels is the movie star Alexandra had left the bar with that night.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

“You’ll be too dead to kill anyone.”

Did Alexandra help set me up to be killed? I think back to the parking lot. At one point I’d believed I’d heard her voice, but I’d also thought I’d heard Kane’s, which clearly wasn’t the case. I’m not sure what connection to me Jensen Michaels might have, but he’s clearly involved in this in some way. Or being set up like Woods, which could be the case for Alexandra as well, and pathetic as I am, I do not want to believe my ex–best friend was never my friend at all.

I shove that purely emotional thought aside. Emotions have no place in this. Facts do.

Junior is my next consideration. I’d thought Junior stumbled onto what happened that night, but now I think differently. Now, I wonder if rather than stumbling onto what happened that night, as I’d assumed, if Junior wasn’t there to ensure I died that night. Someone wanted me gone, and while events turned my way, the result was the same. I left. And while the threat now might be that my secret could be exposed, if it doesn’t work, it’s pretty clear that burying me for real this time could be on the table.

The problem for Junior is that I’m not really afraid of dying. Not since that night, and I have no explanation for that. It made me a different person. A different profiler. It made death less of a mystery and more acceptable. Death should never be acceptable to someone in law enforcement, but it’s not expected as it is with someone like, say, a drug cartel leader, and thus no one expects this of me. Whatever the case, though, I’m clearly up against someone very powerful, and my choices—Romano, Pocher, even Kane—are certainly that and more. And someone in this mix wanted me gone in the past and still wants me gone now. The question is why? I get that I’m obviously stirring up trouble now, but then?

I sit down at my computer, pulling up the list I keep of all my cases, and find the active cases on that night. Nothing stands out and nothing seems to link to anything going on now. But I’ll need hours to do this research, which I can’t give to anyone else. Just like I need hours to watch that damn movie.

I sit there for several minutes, though, contemplating whether this is the time to tell Kane about Junior. He does, after all, have something to lose if we’re exposed. He does have resources to find out who Junior is, if he doesn’t already know. I pull the notes out of my bag, lay them on the desk, and stare down at them:

A is for the Apple a day that keeps the doctor away. But a doctor couldn’t help him, could he?

I KNOW.

T is for TRUST.

You TRUSTED him.

F is for FOOL.

That’s YOU.

The tone of both seems to be meant to make me distrust Kane. Too bad he’s doing a good job of that himself, too, or it might not be working. And what is it about his behavior that I don’t feel good about right now? I grab a pen and note card:

—HE DIDN’T CALL ME FOR TWO YEARS. THAT MEANS HE WASN’T REALLY EAGER FOR ME TO RETURN.

—HE WAS ADAMANT I NOT ASK AROUND ABOUT THE TATTOO.

—HE, WHO KNOWS ALL, CAN’T TELL ME MUCH OF ANYTHING ABOUT THAT NIGHT.

—HIS REACTION TO THE TATTOO PHOTO MAKES ME BELIEVE HE KNOWS MORE ABOUT IT THAN HE SAYS HE DOES.

I stare at the list and find myself looking for reasons to downplay each item. I rolled around naked with the man last night and enjoyed it. Am I really objective about his motivations right now? It doesn’t seem smart to make this decision when I still smell like the man, which isn’t a bad thing to smell like, and that very thought says I’m right. I’m not in a good place to make Kane-related decisions. I’m not rushing to tell him anything. I’ll reassess after I’m over the sated, orgasmic high I feel right now, and based on how he handles the Ghost as well as what I find in my old caseload files, if anything. Moving on. Next question.

Should I go to Alexandra’s house and shake her until she tells me what I want to know?