Page 60 of Big D!ck Energy

Austin, who'd been suspiciously quiet, lost it. He doubled over, laughing so hard he had to grab the counter for support. “The wife,” he wheezed. “You really just said the wife like you picked her up at Target with cat supplies.”

Ricky, apparently deciding these new humans were also threats, redirected his yapping toward them.

Austin looked down at him. “What is that?”

“That's Ricky. He's a weiner dog.”

“Let me guess,” Austin laughed. “Also came with the wife?”

I nodded.

Cheyanne had already made herself at home, pulling out one of my barstools and settling in like she was preparing for a long interrogation. “Okay, start from the beginning. And I mean the actual beginning, not whatever PR version Sam fed to social media.”

Remembering what Sam said earlier, I decided to opt for silence. I didn’t want to lie, but I knew if she pushed, I would have to. I couldn’t take the risk of ruining Davina’s reputation.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge, mostly to buy myself time. “Want anything?”

“Answers,” Cheyanne said sweetly. “With a side of explanation and a large helping of what-the-hell-were-you-thinking.”

“I'll take a beer,” Austin said, still eyeing Ricky like he might attack at any moment. “Is it safe to move?”

“He's eight pounds.”

“Eight pounds of pure rage, from the sound of it.”

I handed Austin a beer and leaned against the counter, trying to look casual while my brain scrambled for the story Davina and I had barely practiced.

“We've been seeing each other quietly,” I started, the words feeling strange in my mouth. “Through Brooke and Matt.”

“How quietly?” Cheyanne's eyes narrowed. “Because you tell me everything.”

“Clearly not everything,” Austin muttered, then yelped as Karen suddenly appeared next to him. “Jesus, it moves.”

“She moves, and her name is Karen.” I took a long pull of my beer. “We wanted to keep it private. You know how the media gets.”

Cheyanne wasn't buying it. “So private that you got married without telling your family?”

“It was spontaneous. We were in Vegas for Brooke and Matt's wedding, and…”

“And you thought, Hey, you know what would be fun? Traumatizing my sister by getting married without her there?”

Ricky waddled over to Austin and started sniffing his shoes. Austin froze like he was being inspected by a tiny, furry TSA agent.

“Is he going to pee on me?”

“Probably,” I admitted.

Austin had bravely extended a hand toward Ricky, who sniffed it before giving a single approving lick. “Huh. He's kind of cute when he's not yapping.” He looked up at me. “So, when do we meet her? The wife?”

“We're still figuring out the logistics of all this.”

“The logistics of your marriage.” Cheyanne's voice was flat. “How romantic.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I really don't.” She hopped off the stool and started prowling around my kitchen, taking inventory of the pet invasion. “What’s her name?”

“Davina Lawson… Or now Davina Dodger.”