Page 106 of Big D!ck Energy

My mother's wine glass tilted dangerously. My father caught it before it could spill.

“Vegas,” Linda repeated slowly.

“There was an Elvis impersonator,” Dallas offered, as if that explained anything.

“An Elvis impersonator married my son.” Linda pressed her hand to her chest. “I... I need a moment.”

Richard simply refilled his wife's wine glass. “I think we all need a moment.”

“You got married.” My mother's voice had reached that dangerous octave that preceded either tears or violence. “My daughter got married in Las Vegas to a professional wrestler and didn't tell me until three weeks later.”

“Mom…”

“I didn't get to see you walk down the aisle.”

“There wasn't really an aisle…”

“I didn't get to cry into a tissue and tell everyone how beautiful you looked.”

“To be fair, I don't remember how I looked. There was a lot of tequila involved.”

“Tequila?”

Dallas winced. I winced. Across the table, Brooke was intently studying her pasta as if it contained the secrets of the universe.

“Maybe we should back up,” Dallas said, deploying that charm he saved for press conferences and parental confrontations. “The tequila wasn't the cause. The tequila was... adjacent to the cause.”

“Adjacent,” Linda repeated, the word dripping with maternal skepticism.

“We were in Vegas for Brooke and Matt's wedding,” I explained, finding my voice somewhere beneath the mortification. “And somewhere between the arrival and the I dos, we decided, in our very impaired state, that we wanted to be married too.”

“Because you were inspired by love?”

“Because we were inspired by...”

“Tequila.” My mother's diagnosis was firm.

“And… something else,” Dallas said quietly.

The table went still. Even Ricky stopped his under-the-table campaign to listen.

“I've wanted to be with Davina for longer than I was willing to admit to myself.” His voice was steady and certain in a way that made my throat tight. In a way that made me believe every word he said as he hand squeezed mine. “Vegas wasn't a mistake. It was messy and spontaneous and definitely involved too much tequila, but it wasn't a mistake. Marrying Davina is the best decision I've ever made, drunk or sober.”

My mother's expression shifted from outrage to skepticism as she looked at Dallas. “You mean that.” It wasn’t a question.

“Every word.”

Linda made a sound, half laugh, half sob, and pressed her napkin to her eyes. “Oh, for heaven's sake. Couldn't you have given me a warning? I would have worn waterproof mascara.”

“Surprise factor was part of the charm.”

“The charm of giving your mother heart palpitations.” But she was smiling now, watery and bright. “Come here. Both of you.”

We stood, and suddenly Linda's arms were around both of us, pulling us into a hug that smelled like expensive perfume and acceptance. “Welcome to the family,” she murmured against my hair. “Officially. Finally.”

“Finally?” I pulled back to look at her.

“Oh, sweetie.” Her smile was knowing. “Matt told us about you ages ago. Said Dallas was hopelessly gone for some woman who called him a 'testosterone-poisoned man-child' within five minutes of meeting him.” She patted my cheek. “I knew then you were perfect for him.”