Page 81 of Big Girl Panties

"Double eww with a side of absolutely not." I made a face like I'd tasted something that had gone bad in 1999. "Look, Chris, I really don't want to do this interpretive dance of awkwardness with you today."

I started to close the door, but he wedged his shiny black loafer in the doorway.

"Oh, come ON!" I threw my hands up.

"What else could you possibly have to say? Let me guess… you've suddenly discovered you have feelings? Or no, wait. You need more help making partner?" I put air quotes around everything.

"I'm sorry." His face scrunched up like he'd tasted something sour. "I know you don't believe me, but I really do miss you."

I crossed my arms over my ratty shirt. "Let me guess, the dating world sucked for you?"

"Well," he shrugged. "I mean, I don't know. Everything in my life has gone to shit since you left."

I refrained from rolling my eyes. I had my own problems, and I didn't have time for his, too.

"And I heard that you and The Mountain split…"

"Wait," I cut him off, holding my hand out like I was going to physically stop his next words. "Where did you hear that?"

"It's all over the internet."

My stomach dropped. "What did it say? Exactly. Word for word. Don't paraphrase."

He looked at me like I'd asked him to solve quantum physics. "I don't know. It said you split, and The Mountain was single again, which meant you were single again."

He stepped closer, and I stepped back in what was probably the world's most awkward tango.

"I think…"

Karen appeared between my legs like a furry little ninja, nearly tripping me before hissing at Chris and taking a swipe at his expensive shoes. Then she strutted away like she'd just delivered the most devastating insult in cat history.

"I see you still have Karen," Chris said, eyeing the scratch marks on his loafer.

"Look, Chris, I think there's been some sort of massive, cosmic misunderstanding here."

His eyebrows shot up. "Misunderstanding?"

"Yeah." I forced a smile so fake it could have been made of plastic. "Chris, we are done. Like, done-done. Like, if you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman, humanity would just have to accept extinction."

His smile faded faster than his chance of getting back together with me.

"Brooke…"

"No, Chris. We are done. I need you to put on your big boy panties, hell, put on your big boy everything, and accept that this ship has sailed, crashed into an iceberg, and is now resting peacefully on the ocean floor."

I patted his shoulder like he was a confused puppy. "But right now, I need you to exit my apartment. Stage left. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

"Your dad fired me," he blurted out like he was confessing to a crime. "He told me I wasn't a good fit for the company anymore."

I rolled my eyes so hard I probably strained something. "Chris, I wish I could help you, but I've cut ties with my father."

His eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline. "You did?"

"Yep. After Matt almost turned our dinner table into a wrestling ring, I realized I was done subjecting myself to family dinners that ended up making me feel even worse about myself." I gave myself a mental head slap and flinched slightly. He didn't need to know all that.

We stood silently for a long moment as his expression shifted from shock to impressed. "It's about time," he said with what might have been his first genuine smile in years. "I never understood how you could stand the way he talked to you. I should have stood up for you."

"Water under the bridge." I was surprised by how little I cared about his belated realization. "Maybe getting fired is the universe doing you a favor. You always wanted to start your own firm. Maybe now's your chance to stop talking about it and do it."