Page 156 of Josephine and Clay

“Nothing.” I pick up my purse with hands that are still only because I've ordered them to be. “Nothing. I just need to go.”

Faith’s eyes sharpen. “Did he say something?”

I shake my head.

“I can’t do this,” I say, and I hate that my voice breaks on the last word. “I can’t chase him into liking me. I can’t make him want to want more. I can’t…” I press my lips together hard. “I can’t depend on someone who makes caring feel like a mistake.”

Tessa’s eyes fill because only she knows how deep this really runs. “Josie.”

I step back before comfort can undo me. “No, it’s okay. I know what I need to do. I’ll handle it.”

Then I leave.

Outside, it’s warm, but I feel cold all the way through. I make it to my car before the first tear falls, which I count as a victory because I’m very interested in victories tonight, even small and pathetic ones.

I sit behind the wheel with both hands wrapped around it.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Again.

Again.

The main house shines behind me. Full of people. Full of history. Full of everything Clay keeps running from and everything I've never known how to ask for.

I press one hand to my stomach.

“It’s okay,” I whisper, though I don’t know who I’m trying to convince. “We’re okay.”

My phone buzzes once in my purse.

I don’t check it.

I already know if it’s him, I won’t have the strength.

Not tonight.

Tonight, I start making a new plan.

One where I stop waiting for him to become someone steady enough to lean on.

One where I make decisions assuming he’ll leave eventually.

Because maybe that’s the cruelest part.

I don’t even think he wants to hurt me; I just think he will.

I start the car.

Then I drive away from the McCoy ranch without looking back.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Clay

JULY 18TH