Page 70 of Not Mine to Rescue

I cut her off. “We will. And, I’m going to find out if you like spanking.”

Her mouth fell open. That wasn’t a no.

“Listen, Jim. I get it, you’re sore that you can’t keep your memories on a shelf where there’s always a chance to dust them off and see if she still cares about you. But we’re talking about human feelings here. They get messy. Hell, you cheated on Honor with a woman who might be my age. So don’t go bringing that in unless you want to be judged by the same ruler.”

“She’s a year younger.” Honor nudged me as she spoke.

“Yeah? Shame on you Jim. According to you, that is. Shame. But you’re making it work, right? You’re not holding a candle for my girl while you play house with another?”

His mouth fell open. Notably, he didn’t deny it.

“That’s not good, Jim. You’re going to end up divorced a second time unless you start paying more attention to the woman you got, not the one you lost.”

“I didn’t lose her.”

I glanced at Honor to see the truth of things written on her face. There was guilt there, but also a bit of anger. Maybe I was barking up the wrong tree, but I didn’t think Honor was one to cheat. My gut told me that she wasn’t to blame here.

“Jim? I bet you haven’t realized something about women.”

He scoffed and looked away. “What is a twenty-something-year-old high school dropout going to teach me?”

“Something really important. Women aren’t like men. They curl up into themselves when they’re in pain. And when they do that, the shell they make is like armor. And they’re great at polishing it to the point you can’t even see it. And the harder their armor, the more they hurt. They carry everything. They pick their partners by who can take up the slack, and not be an extra burden. And that’s where it fell on you to be her shield wall so all her pain didn’t get broadcast to the world. And you’re a dick for making her pain worse.”

I took a step away because Jim’s fist had curled on itself. I wasn’t afraid of him hitting me. I was afraid I wouldn’t stop if I swung back.

“She doesn’t need armor.”

“Bullshit. You don’t even see the real her. She’s a fucking battle knight suited up from head to toe. Granted, most of that is because of who she is, but part of it is your fault.

“And maybe that’s your problem. Guilt.” It was written across his face. “Well, I’m here to absolve you from it. She’s mine now. And I’m going to hand her a polishing cloth and give her safe space to get that sucker shiny.”

Chapter Eighteen

Honoria

My armor wasn’t shiny at all. It was tarnished and dirty, and everything disgraced. No amount of polish was ever going to make it better. The truth was staring me in the face in neat rows of letters strung into words that I couldn’t force my will upon. The affidavit I’d constructed was a lie. Oh, sure, the statement was truthful enough. It was the premise that was rotten. I’d begun an affair with a client. The date was the hardest part to document. There was no doubt in my mind Jim would see his son’s birthday, and it would reinforce his belief that I hadn’t gotten over him.

That wasn’t why I’d slept with Wombat.

It wasn’t.

I think I was over my ex the day I started cramping and bleeding in the middle of a trial. I called the office to let them know I had to go to the hospital. They sent Jim to the courthouse to cover my cases.

And instead of arranging with the courts to postpone, he stayed.

He took my cases from me.

Which bothered me more? Him poaching my clients or not rushing to my side? Part of me was still angry about both. It didn’t matter that he’d blamed it all on the office. What mattered was how easy it was. Like I didn’t exist.

And worse?

I didn’t. Exist, that is. I’d sidelined who I was for the pregnancy. Then, when that was gone, I was left with nothing and became nothing.

That hole was real.

And that’s why I threw my career away. I wanted to be something so badly anything was better than walking around like one big void. Wombat flirted with me. He saw me. He admired me, touched me in all the ways I’d forgotten, and most of all, he wasn’t an echo of my failures. The sex was glorious. And as brief as the affair may become, I couldn’t stop wanting to latch onto the rapture of being that goddess he worshiped.

And right there was the lie.