Page 46 of The Scholar’s Spy

Once the steaming tub was ready, Robert sank gratefully into the heated depths. He would send the letter and then call on the Fosseys to make his proposal to Abigail. After that he would need to proceed to London, settle matters with the baron, hopefully retain his position in Sussex… and then ask Abigail to move to Hastings with him?

It was a muddle. Admittedly of his own making. Robert shook his head as he dipped it in amongst the water, enjoying the soft quiet of the water. The question was how precisely to admit the truth to Abigail: that he had been lying to her since they met.

Reaching for the soap, Robert set about ruthlessly cleaning himself.

“Robert?” her voice was softer than he expected, and yet it called to him through the screen that Mrs. Weir had put in place.

Snatching up his towel, Robert dragged himself from the bathtub. “Abigail?” He emerged from the water, with the towel draped around his waist, grinning to see her back in his room. Had she decided the formality of waiting downstairs was beyond her? How like his Abigail.

“What’s this?” she asked, in her hand she had held up the freshly written letter, the curve of his handwriting dark in the midday light.

“Work.” Robert came forward, taking the letter from her and slipping it back into the envelope.

“I meant to help.” Abigail looked pale. “It fell to the floor…”

“Have you read it?” Robert looked at her face. She knew very little of the smugglers, but would her association with him if she let something slip condemn her? Was she now in danger? Would his connections to the customs officers mean she would become a target if she had admitted their romance to a member of the Pinhayers? All of the vile stories of smugglers with their easy attitude toward the law, toward violence and on occasion murder, cartwheeled painfully through his mind.

With an effort Abigail pulled herself out of his grip, taking several steps away from him. “Why did you lie to me?”

“You knew I was interested in smuggling.” He tried to delay the charge.

“That is not what I meant.”

“I was commissioned to find out the truth about the gangs in this area. I will defend Miss Schillers, and ensure you are not incriminated in any way. Her age will protect her from anything too serious a levy.”

An unpleasant sort of look passed over Abigail’s face, twisting her features until she settled on a frown to stare at him. “You lied to me.”

“You’ve said that already.”

With a quick step she was in front of him again, her fist coming to rest on his chest, above his heart. “You have made a liar too. I took you around town, I told people—I introduced you, when all along… I thought…” She sniffed and then blinked to focus herself. “I believed you. The most important thing in the world to me was those sea creatures we sought—and miracle of miracle, we found one. I have searched for years to find such a discovery. You have dirtied it. You—Robert—” she paused again, her eyes hard as stone as she surveyed him, “you said you would help me take these to London. And yet…yet you are not at liberty to make such arrangements. In service to the crown. I suppose I should be flattered that you at least told me your Christian name.”

“I meant what I said. I gave you my word I would help—”

“And what is that worth now?” She snorted and moved away from him. Suddenly Robert felt extremely conscious of his near nakedness, so he hastily set about dressing, despite the dampness. Abigail continued regardless of the state of his undress, “How am I meant to trust you, when you could not even tell the truth? I told you everything about myself—I have… I have ruined myself—” she let out a small huff of noise, “because I believed you and it was for nought.”

Abigail made as if to leave the chamber, Robert only having donned his breeches, closed the distance, blocking the doorway. “Please listen—”

Given the mutinous expression on Abigail’s face, Robert was fairly certain he had mere moments to explain his actions, and even then, it would do him little good. Abigail looked ready to murder him.

Lifting his hands off the doorway, he stepped away, sinking onto the edge of the mattress, hoping that by giving her space Abigail might feel safe to stay.

“This was not the way I meant for you to find out any of this. Please believe me.”

“So, you wished for me to continue as your ignorant fool?”

“No, I have never considered you a fool.”

“But of course, you have thought me ignorant. You have used me—did you ever care about our discoveries?”

What she wanted was honesty, that was what her grey eyes demanded of him, as they bored into his very soul. “Not at first. I thought you might be a member of the smuggling gang, and that your fossil hunting was a front to hide your identity as their leader.”

A snort of disgust issued forth from Abigail as she paced through the chamber, Robert forced himself to sit still and not go to her. She passed by the bed, and desk, not able to keep still, before turning to face him. His instinct, his desire cried out to hug her, to soothe her worries with tiny kisses and strong hands on her back, but he knew if he were to try Abigail would run from him. He did his best to practice patience.

“And when the townsfolk said I was an oddity? What did you think then? You believed them, didn’t you? But continued with me, regardless because you wished to manipulate me?” She let out a pained gasp, and then added, “Were you still set on using me when you kissed me—when you and I—when we were intimate?”

“I realized they were the fools—you might be odd to them, but you are the dear—the dearest to me. The hours and the days we have spent together has taught me that. I value every second more than I ever thought possible.” He had the speech laid out in only a rough outline, but now it came to admitting how he felt, how he cared—how he loved her, it was suddenly sticking in his throat, blurring words which made up an apology and a declaration all at once.

“So, it is only—” With a reddened face, Abigail started to say but Robert cut her off.