Page 7 of Surrender to Love

“No! This isn’t something you just tell somebody. It’s embarrassing as fuck,” I damn near yell. “Besides, Shiro and I are just friends.”. But do I want more? Should he know this part of my past?

Honestly, I’m starting to question my insistence on being just friends the more I’m with him and the more this Slice H2O infiltrates my blood stream. It’s hard not to question it. If I had to create a list for the perfect man, Shiro fits the top attributes. He’s so big and manly but caring and gentle at the same damn time. Whenever we occupy the same space, his eyes stay glued to me like he doesn’t even see anyone else. He loves his family and is a teddy bear with all the ladies in his life—his mother, his niece, and his sister. He’s everything and I can’t risk losing what we have if I take us past the friend stage.

“Give in to that man. You deserve to be happy too,” she says.

“I am happy; that’s why I won’t.”

“Make that make sense, friend, ’cause it doesn’t.” She shakes her head. “Unexpected relationships and love are the best. Trust me. I know. Are you sleeping with anybody else?” she asks and I frown.

“Reya, you know I don’t do that. I can only handle one penis at a time.”

“And is he sleeping with anybody else?”

“He says he isn’t but I know firsthand men lie.”

“Raquan lied and did the unthinkable. Don’t put that on Shiro; he’s being held guilty for a crime he didn’t commit. That’s not fair to him or you. I know we as women do that as a defense mechanism but we really have to stop. If you operate solely thinking this man is going to do you like the last one, then you can never be fully happy,” she says and her words are like a punch to my gut.

I’m doing just that.

But how can I not?

The last man I gave my all to fucked my sister.

“Get out of your head,” she says, intruding on my thoughts. “Today’s news was fucked all the way up but you have to let them live their life and you live yours. I love you and want you to be happy, like genuinely happy. Let that Bako man show you how a real man navigates a relationship and treats the woman he committed to. If he’s half the man my husband is, girl, you are in for a time.” We embrace again, and this time, she squeezes me.

While adding more Kani salad and Alaskan rolls to my plate, her words sound off in my head like sirens, loud and very damn clear. Today’s news was a muthafucka and brought back feelings I honestly thought I had moved on from. It hurt real bad. My sister is pregnant by my ex-husband and my mother thought I’d be happy to hear that shit.

Do I tell Shiro this?

“Testing! Testing!” Alex’s voice sounds out loudly, filling this theater room.

“Definitely turn that down,” Giselle scoffs and Mireya and I turn around.

I was expecting a little speaker-looking box and mic for karaoke but I don’t know why. This is Giselle. Anything she does is over the damn top and I love it. There’s a whole damn setup in front of her theater screen with four adjustable mic stands, four wireless microphones, two large speakers on stands, a touchscreen tablet, and a laser light Giselle is adjusting.

“Do you see this shit?” I ask Mireya.

“Do I! Girl. Giselle is really Giselleing with this. It looks like a real damn stage.”

We walk back to our seats and watch as Giselle and Alex put everything together. Not only is there a laser light, but also a Hollywood backdrop. Once all the mics are on and ready, Giselle turns the theater screen on and the backdrop appears.

“I love how you do the most,” I admit to Giselle.

“We had to do it big for you tonight. Come scan the QR code on this screen so you can get the list of songs. We have to start with a good fuck that nigga song,” she says.

“I told you I’m going first and I have the perfect song,” Alex insists.

“What is happening to our financial guru? I’ve never seen you like this. You’re acting like a wild woman,” Mireya teases Alex.

“It’s that cheap but strong ass Slice shit,” Alex says and we all laugh.

Three words describe the next two hours: loud, fun, and needed. We sing, rap, coordinate dance routines, shake ass, and just have so much fun. All thoughts of Kym and my ex-husband vanish as I have a blast with my sisters. Laughter and love are truly the best medicine. My head is spinning and I can’t tell if I’m walking or floating down this hall to the bathroom but I know I’m having a good ass time. Somewhere between our last choreographed song and dance, I finished my Slice H2O and it’s doing its damn job. Maybe too damn well because it’s never taken me this long to find a damn bathroom. There are three on this top level.

By the grace of God and the support of the walls as I walk, I make it to the bathroom in the guest room Alex usually claims. Seeing the king-sized, four poster bed helps. My bladder cooperates and I successfully make it to the toilet and pee for what feels like a damn hour. I’m tipsy, maybe even drunk, but I have enough clarity to know that Slice H2O isn’t for me. The slight dizziness I feel is disconcerting. I like to drink and feel a light buzz, but this is too much. I can’t even put my braids into a bun. There’s no question, me and Slice H2O are a one and damn done; I’ll leave it for my students.

The washing of my face and hands is interrupted by knocks on the bathroom door. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Shiro is here,” Mireya says.