Page 95 of Breaking Silence

“Don’t let it get ahold of you, Kate. It’ll ruin your life. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

I don’t have anything to say about that. Maybe because he’s right, and I’ve known for quite some time this talk was coming. Known that I needed it. I’m glad it came from him, because I probably wouldn’t listen to anyone else.

“I know,” I say. “I will.”

We fall silent. The tempo of the rain has increased, slapping the ground, splashing against the brick. I feel the cold air wafting in through the open window behind me. Tomasetti is standing in front of me, as warm and solid as a promise—the kind I know can be counted on.

“So are you okay?” he asks after a moment.

“Almost.” I meet his gaze, hold it. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He smiles. “That’s what all the women tell me.”

I release a laugh, and the burden I’d been holding most of the day lightens just a little. “You’re an ass, you know that?”

“That’s why you can’t get enough of me.”

Being with Tomasetti like this is like a healing balm for all the parts of me that are broken. Tonight, he’s a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. He’s the warmth of dawn after the endless cold of a winter night. He is laughter in the face of grief. Honesty when life is a jumble of lies. Sanity in a world gone mad.

I don’t know if I love him. I’m not sure what love is or if I’m qualified to make that proclamation. One thing I do know is that I care for him more than I’ve ever cared for another human being. He moves me; he shakes up my world. When I’m with Tomasetti, I don’t see myself as a scarred creature with a past. I’m whole and new and the world is full of possibilities. The future is mine for the taking if I just hang in there.

Tonight, I need him. I need him with every cell in my body. I need him on so many levels, I couldn’t begin to sort through them or make sense of any of it. I need him with an urgency that scares me, because control is the one thing I will never relinquish, even to him.

Standing in the kitchen with the rain misting in through the window above the sink, I rise up on my tiptoes and brush my mouth against his. It’s a small thing, barely a kiss. But that moment of intimacy moves me profoundly. I’m keenly aware of all the things that are unique to this man I’ve come to care for. The piney scent of his aftershave. The scrape of his whiskers against my face. The solid warmth of his body against mine. His quickened breaths against my cheek. The restraint of a man who is more concerned about me and my frame of mind than getting me naked beneath him.

A thousand sensations rise inside me, like a riptide dragging me out to the deep, dark waters of a tumultuous sea. The reckless heat burning my body clashes with the caution of my intellect, warning me to take it slowly. Caution is so damn overrated.

Breaking the kiss, I look up at him. “I think this is the point when you’re supposed to kiss me back.”

He pulls away slightly and gives me a crooked half smile, but I can tell he’s assessing me. “I appreciate your clueing me in.”

“It’s not like you to miss a cue.”

“I want to make sure you’re doing this for the right reason.”

“I am,” I tell him. “I’m okay.”

Another smile, this time with a hint of skepticism. “Would you tell me if you weren’t?”

I stare at him, my pulse keeping tempo with the rain outside. I can feel the cold mist against my back as it comes through the window. “I’d tell you if I didn’t want this.”

Lifting his hand, he smoothes a strand of hair from my face. “One of these days we’re going to have to talk about this.”

“You mean about us.”

He laughs. “I didn’t mean to terrify you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Liar.”

I laugh, but it’s a nervous sound. “Okay, maybe a little. But terrify is a strong word.”

“If the shoe fits…” Setting his hands on the counter on both sides of me, he leans close and brushes his mouth across mine. “There’re no pretenses here, Kate. It’s just us. You and me.”

“Just us wounded souls, huh?”

“That’s right.” Taking my hand, he lifts it to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. “You can talk to me. About anything.”