Page 98 of Devour

Worry crosses his face and then realization. He can’t hide what he’s done anymore.

“Okay. Okay, Sayl, calm down.” His voice is low. His hands come up in front of him, and he glances down the hallway in both directions. “Come here. Come inside for a minute and just talk to me.”

He’s moving me backward before I can think. He clasps my shoulders, and I flinch, but he doesn’t let go. He guides me through the open door of his suite and kicks it shut behind him. Then he locks the door.

Why did I let him push me in here? It isn’t safe to be alone with him. I don’t think I’ve been safe a day in my fucking life.

It wasn’t a dream. None of them were dreams. They were fucking nightmares, and they were real. And he’s not going to try to convince me it’s all in my fucking head.

Fuck. I don’t have my knife. What the fuck is the use of training with Axl if I never wear the fucking thing? Goddamnit, I need to fucking breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.

“Saylor, listen to me.” He’s calm. He’s too fucking calm. “You’re having a panic attack. Just take a deep breath for me.”

I force myself to take as much air as I can, backing away from him. My back hits the wall beside the bed, and I keep my hands in front of me. I toss Kynlee’s phone on the bed so I have use of both hands. “I know what you fucking did.”

His jaw works, but he doesn’t pretend to be confused. He just looks at me the way he always has. And for the first time, I can see the fucking sick bastard behind it.

“I love you, Sayl.” His voice is quiet and steady. It makes me want to scald my entire body. “I know that’s fucked up. But you’ve always been mine. I don’t care what that makes me.”

My stomach heaves. I press my hand over my mouth and swallow hard to keep myself from throwing up. “You’re sick.” It comes out muffled behind my palm. “You’re fucking sick, Justin. And evil. You raped me.”

“I know it seems like that’s what happened. I never wanted to have you like that, but there was no other way.” He takes a step closer, and I press harder into the wall. “But I love you. I’ve always loved you. Do you remember that party when you were high and you walked off with Kase? You let him fucking touch you. I didn’t want to see his hands on you, but I couldn’t stop watching. You’re so pretty when you come, and I don’t get to see that often enough. But why should anyone else have what I’ve always known should be mine? Then you kept drinking with Kynlee and passed out. That was the first night I had a taste of you and knew it would never be enough.”

I’m going to be sick. I’m going to be sick, and I can’t stop it.

I turn and barely make it to the wastebasket beside the nightstand before my body empties itself. I’m on my knees with my hands gripping the edges, and I can hear him behind me. He’s watching the way he’s been watching me my entire fucking life.

I spit into the basket and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. My body is shaking so hard, and I want to fucking kill him.

“How many times?” I don’t turn around. I can’t look at him. “How many fucking times, Justin? Tell me how many times my own fucking brother raped me. You were drugging me, weren’t you?”

All the times he brought me wine and encouraged me to drink with him. Fuck. I’m not going to make this easy for him. I rise and face him. He’s going to admit what he’s done. I feel so fucking dirty and so should he.

“Does the number matter? It didn’t seem to matter once you became a fucking slut. Partying all the time and sleeping around. You didn’t make it difficult for me to take what I wanted. The only useful thing Axl did was start killing all those assholes so you were only mine again. Until the fucking hunt.”

I lunge at him and slap him as hard as I can across the face. “Don’t you dare try to act like this was my fault. You’re the goddamn rapist.” I bring my hand back to slap him again, but he grabs my wrist, cutting off the circulation.

“You need to listen to me, Saylor.” His voice changes, and it’s colder now. “I didn’t want you to know until you were ready. Until you could see that I’m the one you fucking need. But now you’ve figured it out, which creates a little problem to deal with.”

He lets go of my wrist, and I pull it against my chest. There’s a red mark where his fingers were. I want to claw my own skin off.

“You’re not going to tell anyone about this. Especially that fucking asshole, Axl.” He straightens his jaw where I hit him.

I laugh, staring at him in fucking disbelief. “Are you fucking serious? Why would I keep quiet for you? I want to watch you get what you fucking deserve. Axl will tear you into tiny fucking pieces.”

“I know you’re smarter than that, Sayl.” Justin reaches his fingers forward to tuck my hair behind my ear, and I slap his hand away. He just shakes his head. “If anything happens to me, what do you think happens to Kynlee? Do you think she’ll be happy getting put up for auction? Because if I’m no longer her Talon, that’s exactly where she’s going.”

My stomach drops. I don’t answer him because I can’t. He’s right, and I hate him even more for it.

“That’s why I agreed to be her Talon. I didn’t want to fuck her. I don’t want to fuck anyone but you, Sayl.” He says it like that’s supposed to make me feel something other than hatred for him. He’s fucking insane. “But when she presented her case, I realized that she at least keeps me close to you.”

“You’re a sick bastard, and I fucking hate you.” That doesn’t even begin to cover how much I want to see him suffer. I did love him, as my brother. The brother who swam with me in our pool and first introduced me to horror movies. How was I so fucking blind to see what he was?

No. I’m not the goddamn problem here. He’s the fucked-up one.

“The Ravens will punish you. You weren’t supposed to . . . do what you did.”

He chuckles. “You think I give a shit about their stupid rules? Besides, they’re not going to find out.” He puts his hands in his pockets, and he looks so fucking smug that I want to scream. “You’re not going to tell Axl. You’re not going to tell Kynlee. You’re not going to tell anyone.”