Page 86 of Everything But Mine

“Are we?”

She nods. “I will tell you when it happens.”

“No matter the time?” I ask.

She smiles. “Do you want me to run into your bedroom at night and wake you up?”

“No,” I answer. “I want you to sleep next to me so I don’t miss it.” She hides her shock well. “But I’ll take what I can get.” I smile.

I’m brushing her stomach with the pads of my fingers, hoping she feels the commitment in my touch.

“What went through your head, Eric?”

I let out a long breath. “I did what I do,” I explain. “I spiraled.”

Amanda shifts, tucking one leg underneath her and using her free hand to cup my cheek. She guides my gaze up to meet hers. Gently, but with enough insistence that, I can’t opt out.

“I-I have been worried it would be a boy,” I admit. “It’s too much like my life. Kid with a father who didn’t choose him. My dad never thought I was enough. I don’t want to not be enough for you or him.”

She studies me, and I brace for pity, but her brows smooth in calmness and her mouth curves in tenderness. “Eric, our kid is already so loved by their dad, don’t you see?” Her words hit me so sharply I have to look away from her. I look back at her when she brushes her finger against my jaw.

“I’m still afraid I won’t do a good job.” I pause, getting ready for my confession. “I thought about you being better off with someone else.”

Her breath hitches—small, controlled. I can see the effort it takes for her to stay open, to keep space for honesty rather than hurt. “Are you still thinking about it?”

“Fuck no, Amanda. I told you. I’m not fucking this up.”

She nods, slowly, letting the words settle. “What helped?” she asks.

“You helped,” I say. “Your touch. Your eyes. It helped me breathe.”

“Maybe,” she says. “But you worked through it on your own.”

I nod. “I slowed myself down. Slowed my thoughts until I could feel what I needed to feel. I focused on him. On how much I already love him.” I squeeze my fingers on her belly. “Then I reminded myself that I have a right to want.”

Amanda leans her forehead against mine. Her voice is a whisper now. “I’m so proud of you.”

I close my eyes and taste the moment. Savor it.

“You’re finding ways to pull yourself through.”

We stay like this, in the moment, I cradle her belly, and she cradles my cheek, until she says. “He’s been able to hear for a while, you know? He probably knows your voice.”

I fucking love that the child inside Amanda’s belly knows my voice and not Daray’s.

“You like that, don’t you?” Amanda says through a chuckle when I smirk.

I nod.

“You should tell him something.”

I spread my fingers wider over her belly and lean in, lips near her skin like it’s a secret I’m whispering straight to him.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, dude, but I’m kind of a mess,” I say, voice low.

Amanda’s thumb brushes my cheek, grounding me.

“I’m sorry for the things I’m going to fuck up.” A shaky laugh slips out. “Shit. Well—exhibit A, I guess.” My throat tightens. “But I’m going to do my best so you grow up better than I did.” There’s a drop on my hand. I glance up and see Amanda’s eyes shining. “And you’ve got the best mom in the world,” I add, my voice softening. “She’s going to do amazing by you.”