Page 68 of Ashborne Forged

Donavyn sighed and squeezed my shoulder again. “The only way to overcome fear is to face it. Until you’re willing to give up your own comfort to see this solved, it will haunt you. And take it from me, these men will forgive you. But they will not forget. You do not want to lead a man in battle who believes they can’t trust you.”

“They can trust me!”

“Not if you’re lying for your own comfort. That’s a slippery slope.”

“But—”

“Think it through, Voski. You’re an intelligent man. Think about this from another’s point of view, and consider what you’d think of a man who lied to you about his most precious possession just to keep you off his back.”

God, I felt sick. My job required so much subterfuge, so much deceit, I’d always led as an example of honesty in every other aspect of my life. Precisely as I’d seen Donavyn do.

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know how to open myself up for this without hurting someone,” I admitted hoarsely.

He sighed. “You have to want what’s on the other side of it more than you want to be comfortable now.”

I met his gaze and asked an honest question. “What’s on the other side?”

“Everything you ever wished for,” he said without hesitation. “And more responsibility than you think you can bear. But you don’t have to bear it alone. You shouldn’t bear it alone. That’s why God gave her to you.”

I slumped. “But that’s the thing. He gave her to me. Not to the fucking squad.”

Donavyn took a deep breath and stepped back, but didn’t break eye-contact. “Revealing her to them isn’t going to do anything but raise her esteem in their eyes. We both know that. You’re not afraid of their taunts. You’re afraid of her being used against you.”

“Yes!”

“Get over it.”

“But—”

“You’re hurting her by hiding her. I know, because my mate asked me to keep the bond a secret. And that was when we both had something to lose. There was every chance I would have been demoted if our bond had been revealed in another way—and she was already dismissed by half the men as a king’s favorite. Or mine. But you don’t face those barriers. And where it might be brought into question, I can stand in your stead. You aren’t under threat, Voski. Not like we were.”

I dropped my eyes. “I also don’t have the weight of your respect in the eyes of others.”

“You won’t earn it this way.”

Well, shit. I swallowed. “You said you understood Bren’s desire to obscure the bond.”

“You don’t face what she faced—you aren’t belittled by a bond. In fact, the opposite is true. You’re likely to lose standing when it comes out that you lied. Not to mention that you’re hurting your mate. So, why would you put her through it?”

An image of Grace’s face loomed large in my head. Her expression when I told her I wanted to keep our bond secret, underlined by the sickening pitch in her stomach that I felt through the bond.

She was hurt. I’d tried to make it right. Tried to reassure her. I’d bared my soul to her to give her confidence that my fear wasn’t shame over her.

But it had hurt her, nonetheless.

I clawed hands through my hair and took a long, hard look at myself.

What was on the other side of this that would be better than keeping myself comfortable now?

Grace. Grace, strong and happy. Smiling. Joyful. Confident. Her heart bubbling in mine.

Telling my brothers, begging for their compassion, rather than hubris, would be painfully humbling. But I had a sinking feeling Donavyn was right. Though I wouldn’t have the choice now. He’d made it an order.

Fear trilled through me. Shit.

I’d let myself be weak to aid others before. I’d taken far worse than jibes to protect those I cared about in the past.

So, why did this terrify me?