Page 40 of Hiding in the Outfield

“If I was the first man you’ve kissed, I’m guessing that means you haven’t done anything else with a man? Unless you’ve visited glory holes?”

“What’s a glory hole?”

His eyes slip open, and we lock gazes. “That answers that question. Not important. Back to my question. Aren’t you…eager to try all the things with a man? I’m surprised you’re not jumping right on the horse. Or volunteering to be the horse jumped on.”

I drop against the headboard and rock my head back and forth. “I think at this point, I’ve waited too long. It’s all been built up so much in my head. The honest truth? I’m nervous. For a lot of reasons. Will I freak out when shit starts going down? Like what if my anxiety over being gay comes rushing back? Will I nut embarrassingly fast? What if I’m horrible in bed? Maybe it’s pathetic, but I just want to feel safe. I don’t want to be a disappointment.”

Silence falls over the room, and my chest tightens. I shouldn’t have said anything. Why did I just vomit all that up?

“Jackson,” he whispers.

I roll toward him and look down at him.

Frankie shuffles up so we’re eye level. His perfectly manicured brows are puckered, and his eyes blaze. “It’s not pathetic, Jackson. It’s so far from pathetic. Don’t settle for anything less, because those things you want? Safety, understanding, comfort? Those aren’t small things.”

They’re not. And I’m pretty sure I’d get all three with this man.

My attention falls to his lips. “What are the medical restrictions on kissing?” I whisper.

Those warm-brown eyes light up with a devious mischief. “Patient discretion.”

“And what does the patient think?”

“It’s worth testing.” He leans in. “But…to be safe, I think it’s best that the patient leads. You okay with that?”

“You can kiss me however you want.”

His hand slides up my neck and grips my jaw. “Don’t tease, Jackson. You’re not ready—my cheek isn’t ready—for me to kiss you the way I want.”

My stomach flips over.

“Ready?” He hovers over me, gaze locked on mine. His fingers flex, and my pulse skips. It’s possessive, the hold he has on me. Both his hand and his eyes…and maybe something else too.

“Kiss me.” I don’t mean for it to come out as a plea, but it does. I need to feel his lips on me again. Need to experience it, but with a different ending this time. I want us to rewrite it.

Soft lips coast over mine, and there goes my ability to breathe. It’s just as surreal as the first time. Just as mind-blowing. I feel each brush of his lips deep inside my chest.

I kiss him back gently, terrified that I’ll hurt him. And apparently, he can tell. His hand leaves my face and trails down my shoulder, my arm, until he reaches my hand frozen at my side. He grabs it and brings it to his waist. Settles it there and gives me a little squeeze. My fingers instantly obey and press into him.

He cups my face again, and his lips drag over mine the tiniest bit harder. I just follow along. Casual, careful kisses, cataloging every inch. Bottom lip. Top lip. The corner of my mouth. Each touch settles over me, a cozy warm breeze of comfort. His sweet scent invades my senses, soothes every aching wound inside me. I’m riddled with them, they pepper my insides like a battlefield.

Then his tongue slides over the seam of my lips, and I accidentally jerk him toward me. He laughs softly against my mouth. I swallow it down, the sound of joy, of delight. It emboldens me. I grab his bottom lip with my teeth and give it a gentle tug.

He melts into me—and something inside me shifts, not quite into place, but close. I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the feeling of another’s body softening into mine. My heart trembles, cowering in the dark recesses of my chest, terrified that this comfort is somehow a trick. Because this feeling right now? There’s no way it’s real.

It’s too close to happiness.

When I let him go, he pushes up and stares down at me, breaths coming fast. “I want to be that person.”

My brows scrunch as I try to blink myself back to the present. “What?” My brain isn’t functioning right now.

“The one you go slow with.” He brushes his nose against mine, and my heart takes a tentative step forward. “I want to show you everything, Jackie.”

“Woof.”

He chuckles. “To clarify. Not a relationship. I don’t do those. I am usually the hookup, one-night guy. But…” He brushes my hair back. “I’d make an exception for you. And trust me, I’ll take very good care of you.”

My pulse is going so fast that I’m getting a little lightheaded.