Page 30 of Hiding in the Outfield

“Maybe. Maybe I’m stubborn. Maybe I’m blessed with a loving, supportive family and the best group of sexy athlete roommates a gay man could ask for. I’m privileged, East. And a part of me feels like I owe it to all those people out there who are forced to live in silence to be as fucking loud as I can be. For you and Maddy, Shaney-babe and Jed.” For Jackson. “Maybe if I’m loud enough, if I’m fucking in your face and annoying enough, we can finally get somewhere in this goddamned fucked-up world.”

I blow out a breath, my pulse hammering in my neck, all the way up through my cheek. I force my balled fists to loosen. But it’s enraging. It’s fucking heartbreaking. I’m privileged simply because I was raised with love. We give back to our communities in so many ways, provide what others so desperately lack—money, food, clothes. But love? No one should ever be deprived of that. Yet, they are. And it’s so unbelievably unfair.

A soft, sad smile pulls at Easton’s lips. “Like I said. Brave.”

I roll my eyes and push past the tightness in my chest. “Plus, I could never do that to the queer men of the world. They must know Frankie is available for business. I am much too pretty to stay hidden.”

He shakes his head at me, his smile turning into a full grin. “You are very pretty. But you’re so much more than that.”

“Ah, my demisexual babe. Love you, boo.”

“I love you too. We all do, Frank.”

He pauses, and I can hear the question before he asks it.

“What about Olander…?”

I study my sheets. “What about him?”

“You only ever talk about Dev as the asshole, but Olander was there too. Why do you refuse to say what happened?”

It’s not my place. Jackson is in a very precarious position. He’s a hot MLB prospect. He’s also deeply in the closet, and from what I’ve gathered, he has a family that wouldn’t support him if he came out—maybe even disown him. It’s not my place to choose who to trust with his sexual orientation. End of story.

“Dev attacked me because he thought I was preying on his friend. That’s all there is to it.”

Am I happy Jackson pushed me away? No. Did seeing the panic and—God—the fucking regret on his face cause a little part of myself to die inside? Yes. I know what it took for him to join me down that hallway. I hate that he took a chance, and it blew up in his face. Well, in my face.

“It was shitty, East. Everything about it was shitty. But the villain in this play is Devereux. The villain is every person out there like Devereux.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

“And, hey. At least it happened after my exam! Ohmygod, can you fucking imagine? If I had to miss my exam and take it six months from now because of that twatwaffle, I would literally find a way to spike his protein powder with laxatives.”

People do not understand how rigorous these exams are. I am one away from my fellowship. I want that raise and that designation. Frankie Nebiolo, FSA: Fucking Sexy Animal. Just kidding. Fellow of the Society of Actuaries. Not quite as cool.

Easton grins at me, the cute little chipmunk. I want to pinch his adorable cheeks.

“If you’re sure you’re all right… But I’m here if you ever want to talk. So is everyone else. I’ll go get your soup ready and be back in a little bit.”

“You’re a doll, Easton Winters.”

“Pretty sure I’m a baseball player, actually.”

“Oh, he’s got jokes,” I tease. Really corny ones that only make him more adorable.

He flips me off and disappears out of my bedroom.

Easton is one of the good ones. Maddy’s a lucky man. And equally as good.

I wonder if they realize how lucky they are—to have each other.

To have a love like they do.

ANNOUNCER

JUNE 5TH

Bernie Johnson: This is hard to watch, Oliver. That’s another man down on strikes. I’m not even sure what Winters was swinging at, but it didn’t appear he was aiming for the ball. That’s two outs.