Page 99 of Seein’ Red

WILLA

“So, does that mean the best man escorts you down the aisle, or you’ll escort him?” Milo asks, poking at Hux as we sit down to Munch.

I push the mac and cheese around my plate, trying to make it look like I’m eating so that I don’t draw attention to myself. Truth be told, I still don’t have much of an appetite, which is a bummer, because the mac and cheese served in the Hayes cafeteria is to die for.

Miss Harriett, who runs the kitchen, took my great-grandmother's recipe and upped the ante. I’ve considered asking her for the secret, but with my basic cooking skills, I doubt I’d ever get it right. Something about that Southern soul food magic that some women possess and others simply envy. I’m on the envy side of that.

“Not sure. I think man of honor sounds like it outranks best man, meaning I would escort him,” Hux replies, twisting his face as he pretends to think about the absurd question meant to rattle him. Milo should know by now that very little rattles Hux—although maybe that’s why he still tries. His own personal challenge to see if he can do it. “But I’m secure enough in my own manhood to let him escort me if that’s the way Dolly wants it handled. It’s her day. I’m just there to make sure her dream comes true.”

My heart squeezes listening to my older brother talk about his best friend like that. Like Dolly walks on water. I have no doubt that if she asked him to walk on his hands backward while wearing a Speedo down the aisle, he’d do it. He’d do anything for her. Which only seems to amplify the ache I’m feeling. It’s not that I don’t want others to be happy. I just don’t want them to be happy around me.

That’s a fair ask, right?

“There going to be hot bridesmaids this time?” Jace asks jokingly. Snapping his finger, he points to me before I can respond. “And no, little sisters don’t count as hot.”

I shrug, unable to find the energy to join the teasing. At least they aren’t talking about me. I don’t know how fast word traveled around town, but I assume everyone has heard. That’s how things work in this town.

“Me, duh,” Hux replies. “Plus Rose Adler, Alice Evans, and Emily Barrowcliff. Usual suspects.”

“So, no then. Got it.”

I roll my eyes, unable to hold back. On any given Monday I’d be right there with these guys, doling it out and deflecting their counterattacks. Today though, there’s just too much hurt to even begin. I’m surrounded by a cloud that’s acting as its own humidity system, only instead of keeping me hydrated, it’s keeping me raw and on edge.

I should have skipped Munch…

The double door to the conference room opens, Ewan slinking in, his eyes going wide as the conversation stops and we all look at him.

“I didn’t do it,” he remarks.

“Didn’t do what?” Anton asks.

“Don’t know, but whatever it is that is causing y’all to look at me like that, I didn’t do it.”

“Thought Dad would be with you, since you two were the only ones not here,” Gus replies.

“Haven’t seen him.” Ewan shrugs, turning to grab a plate.

“That’s weird,” Gus continues. “Willa, go find him.”

“No!” I spit out, recoiling at the order. “You want to get started so bad, you do it. You’re EVP, not me.”

“Meaning I get to decide who has to go find him, and I choose you.”

“Well, too bad, because I’m not going.”

I wiggle in my seat, planting myself in it further. I am not in the mood to take orders from Gus today—or anyone else. If any of my brothers think that today is the day to mess with me, they’re going to discover otherwise.

The only reason I’m attending today is out of the small hope that it will be a distraction. That it will take my mind off the pain and give me a respite. Something—anything—to stop the replay of yesterday at Pour Decisions. Of knowing that I came so close to having something I’ve secretly wanted for so long, to have it ripped away.

Because no matter what Nash said, it’s punctuated with the vision of him dropping to one knee and saying that he’s going to do the right thing by me. That I was nothing more than an obligation. A consequence to an unpreferred outcome.

Nash is the only person alive with the power to hurt me this deep. And I let him.

Adding insult to injury is the gut punch that is my period showing up. Because on top of all this pain and rejection, I still have to deal with that too.

So yes, I need a distraction. As brief as it might be. Because nothing else has worked. Even Murder, She Wrote.

And if Jessica Fletcher can’t fix this, I don’t know what will.