Page 63 of Seein’ Red

“I planned that whole night perfectly,” I say. “Candles, moonlight, the whole nine. Everything a girl could want. And let me tell you, it was fucking perfect.”

I close my eyes, still able to see and feel that night like I am still experiencing it. My heart bursting, the adrenaline rushing through my veins, my head swimmy with lust and young love.

“Until…” Dustin prompts.

“Until I opened my damned mouth.”

“I’m not sure I want to know, but what did you say?”

“So there we were, all cuddled up. The absolute perfection that is Willa Hayes wrapped up in my arms, sighing and cooing and all those things girls do that make your dick twitch, and she turns to me and whispers that she was so happy that we were each other’s firsts. And I freaked. I told her she wasn’t mine.”

“Oh no…” Camden exhales.

Pulling my lips into my mouth, I bite down, hoping the pain of my teeth sinking into my flesh will ease the burn of regret. No dice.

“It gets worse. Because I told her I actually lost it to Kitty.”

“Nash!” Dustin exclaims.

“Ew,” Camden comments, face contorting in disgust.

“I didn’t really,” I tell him. “I just said it. I don’t even really know why.”

I throw my hands up in defeat. What else is there to say.

Dustin claps me on the back, offering his support. “No wonder she’s so mad at you.”

“Clearly not mad enough to stop sleeping with him,” Camden says.

“That came later. And is a story for a different day. But yes, we’ve been sneaking around for a long damn time, and it’s caught up with us.”

A beer appears in front of me with a thud. I look up, Noel nodding at me as he sits back down. I hadn’t even realized he’d moved. But ever connected, he knew I needed a drink.

I take a long swig, guilt rising back up in me. Taking the house from him isn’t fair—he's been working on a plan to give that to Bronwyn for months. But with a baby coming, I don’t see much option. Willa’s apartment is just the one bedroom. Maybe we could squeeze into Sylvie’s cottage to start.

“But you’re good now, yes?” Noel asks, taking a sip of his beer. “You apologized, told her all the things we talked about—about how you want to make this work and that you’re there for her no matter what she chooses, and all that?”

“Sorta.”

“Sorta?”

I lift a shoulder, not knowing how else to answer.

“We’re…together. Whatever that means…we’re still figuring out what it looks like. Trying not to disrupt this wedding we got going.” I gesture to Dustin with my head, and he laughs.

“Nothing is going to rain on our parade. Certainly not this. Which, if Kenzie’s been keeping this to herself…sheesh…”

I shake my head. “Doubtful. At least the hooking up part. I have no idea if she’s told the girls about…the…”

“Baby,” Camden finishes for me. I nod my thanks.

“But you haven’t apologized?” Noel reiterates.

“She won’t fucking let me. Every time I’ve tried, she…she shuts down. Says she doesn’t want to talk about it. That she wants a fresh start.”

“So give her that,” Camden replies.

If only it were that easy.