Page 17 of Magical Midlife Conclave

“I know you’d be happy to cook for me, but what about cleaning?”

“They have services for that, Jess. And those services typically don’t talk trash to you.”

I laughed as we reached the bar. My old friend Sasquatch was standing outside with a cigarette and two garhettes facing him—Patty and Aunt Florence.

“No, you see, it isn’t just your out-of-control facial hair, dear.” Aunt Florence shook her head. She patted Sasquatch’s forearm, making him flinch with each touch. “When it is on your face, we all have to look at it. And let me just say, it is not pleasant wondering if fleas are in there, ready to abandon ship to those around you at the first possible moment.”

“Did you know there was a lice outbreak recently?” Patty put her hands on her hips, pushing in a little closer.

Sasquatch backed away. His back bumped the outside wall of the bar and he flinched again.

“Yes, there was an outbreak.” Patty clucked her tongue at him. “Can you imagine having lice all over your face? And what about that hair? A tumbleweed could get pointers from that hair! No, no. This just won’t do. I’ve told you before, young man. You’d do so much better with a little cleaning up. A shower. A bar of soap⁠—”

“A bib,” Aunt Florence cut in.

“That sort of thing, remember?” Patty smiled at him.

Aunt Florence stepped closer. “Besides, you’ll never get a woman looking like that.”

“They’ll assume they have to burn their clothes after a night out with you,” Patty said. “That’s no way to live. Come on, come with us and we’ll help you to the barber.”

“Yes, we’ve already made an appointment.” Aunt Florence turned and looped her arm through his. “It’s not expensive. All you have to do is sit down in the chair and let Gill work wonders. He’ll have you cleaned up in no time.”

“Yes, Gill. He’s just the ticket. C’mon.” Patty looped her arm through his free one.

“But I don’t want to go…” Sasquatch whined.

“Nonsense. This is just the thing.” Patty practically dragged him forward, helped by Aunt Florence. “There’s that cute little bartender to consider. Let’s give her a clean face to look at, shall we?”

“But she hates me,” he moaned.

Patty tsked. “That’s only because of your personality. You can change that, no problem.”

“It’s about time you do, anyway. It’s been terrible for long enough, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Patty agreed.

“Yes,” Aunt Florence said.

I watched with glee as the two women dragged my nemesis away. It really was impossible to say no to them, but it was great that he’d wanted to and couldn’t.

“What a lovely gift for a sublime summer’s evening,” I said, laughing, as we entered the bar.

“They’re always after him. He can’t seem to get a moment’s peace with all the garhettes in town.”

“Good, the jerk.”

4

Jessie

The bar was alive with movement and laughter and people having fun. Garhettes, gargoyles, shifters, and the occasional basajaunak filled the space to nearly bursting, the happy hour only a tiny window but incredibly popular. There weren’t many Dicks and Janes left in the area, most of them cashing in on the high house prices, happy to escape the strange people all “randomly” flocking to the area.

The influx of gargoyles and garhettes had certainly been extreme. A lot of them had had to find houses to buy or rent in the nearby towns. Our territory now spanned four towns and counting, each of them spreading out. Eventually it would be one big area with little hubs in each community. A lot of shifters had crowded in as well, hearing about opportunities, curious about Austin’s leadership, or having had a run-in with mages and wanting to do something about it.

Niamh sat in her usual spot, a place picked long before I’d shown up in the area, and always vacated when she walked in. No one wanted to mess with the puca, and sitting in her seat was the best way to get noticed. Next to her sat Phil, his spot reserved for very similar reasons. Nessa was next to them.

People nodded at me or smiled, moving out of my way as I walked through. Then they took a few more steps after noticing Austin coming in behind me.