Page 18 of Home Ice

“Look, I don’t know what he’s told you, but Tai made it very clear where our friendship stood the minute I left.”

“Well, I know what he hasn’t told you, and my son is a lot of fantastic things, but he’s as stubborn as the day is long, and he’s regretted what he did every second since.”

I stare at Ben, wondering if Barrett’s filled him with lies.

He leans over the table. “Do you really think he’d haul ass out of bed to go and rescue someone he hasn’t seen in ten years when he had to be up before the sun this morning if he didn’t?”

“How can I answer that? I have no clue who Tai is anymore.”

“Well, I do, and I know he wants a chance to make it up to you. If you’d let him.”

And like that, Ben throws another decision in my lap that I don’t want to make and would never have had to if it wasn’t for Barrett fucking everything up. “I don’t think I can do it. There’s a lot going on with my personal life that I’m trying to figure out already.”

“The kid?”

“Tai told you?”

Ben shakes his head. “Start of the school year, he told me about a kid who looked a lot like you, then I read about the accident, and he said you were back. I put it together myself.”

“Shit.” The last thing I need right now is the entire town doing exactly that. I’m no stranger to small-town gossip, given the stupid shit Barrett and I used to pull, but as an adult? The thought of it is painful.

“Doesn’t matter,” I murmur, turning to look back out the window. “He wants nothing to do with me.”

Ben chuckles. “If I was given a dollar for every time Tai said he wanted nothing to do with me growing up … I’d be a rich man, and my kid wouldn’t be working himself half to death.”

That pulls my attention back. “Isn’t he a high school hockey coach?”

“That’s one of his jobs. But my point is that a kid Kasen’s age needs to see that you’ll put in the effort, no matter what they say. You need to be there for them through the shit, even when the shit times are their own doing. Kids need to know you’ll be there for them through everything, and up until now, you haven’t been there for anything.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“Not saying it was.” His speech is getting even slower than before. “But now it is. Now you have a son. What are you going to do about it?”

“I have no idea how to be a dad. Or how to have someone rely on me.”

“No parent does until they do it, and even then … But it’s worth the effort.”

My food and coffee are brought over and set on the table in front of me, but I’ve lost my appetite. “So what? I walk into his life and be his dad, whether he likes it or not?”

“He’ll hate you for that. Try being a friend. Someone who will show up. Keep every, single promise.” Ben stands, and there’s a second where I’m not sure if I’m supposed to ask if he needs help or not. “But it’s not for the weak. And after what that kid has been through, don’t put in the effort if you’re not up to the task.”

Well, that’s even more pressure. How will I know if I’m up for the task until I try?

“What do you want, Jensen?” He’s looking down at me, and I’m expecting judgment, but it’s not there.

“I … no one’s asked me that yet.”

“Do you even know?”

My automatic response is no, but I think it’s a lie. Because if I really let myself think about it … I want a chance to know the Kasen that Barrett does.

My nose gets all tingly at finally letting myself think it, and I swallow the emotion down again.

Ben pats my shoulder. “You’ll make the right choice. That’s one thing that can be said about you and Tai. You boys never backed down, even when you wanted to.”

Something in his tone sparks my curiosity. “You want me to give him a chance to explain.”

“If you’re still the Jensen Hawke I used to know, you want to give him a chance to explain.”