Page 115 of Home Ice

Her eyes instantly flick over my shoulder, and it takes me a moment to work out she’s looking at a picture of Carly. A smiling, happy picture. A picture of the person I used to know, who I can’t imagine keeping a kid from me. I liked Carly. I might not have loved her, but she was a cool person, and if Kasen is anything to go by, that never changed.

I lower my voice and don’t realize what a plea it sounds like until the question is out. “Why didn’t she tell me, Amelia?”

I watch the older woman pick up her cup. She opens her mouth, sighs, sets the cup down again. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah. Because in just over a month, I’ve gotten to know one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. And I can’t imagine how it would have been to get to see him grow up into that. You got that. Carly got that. And no matter how close Kasen and I get, it will always, always haunt me that I didn’t. Please. I need to know.”

Amelia swipes at one of her eyes. “You’ll hate her.”

“Impossible.”

“You say that now, but …”

I shift forward in my seat. “No, it’s impossible because she gave me Kasen. Maybe it will hurt, and maybe I’ll feel betrayed or whatever, but when it comes right down to it … we were kids. It doesn’t matter what mistakes we made then because it got me him. All that’s left is having my answers so that I can move forward with being the best dad to him that I can be. He deserves it.”

“He does.”

“Then …”

She rubs a delicate hand over her mouth as she thinks, and I have to restrain myself from pushing. Yet. I need this. So damn much.

Eventually, in a low voice, Amelia says, “She wasn’t sure if the baby was yours.”

The words take a moment to sink in. “What do you …”

“I still remember finding her in tears, her telling me she was pregnant, and the hours it took for her to admit that she’d been sleeping with two people at the same time.”

“Two …”

“It wasn’t until Kasen was … five, maybe? Carly finally gave me the whole story. She knew that you were going to end it with her, and so she was trying to make you jealous by flirting with one of your friends. You didn’t even notice. They started a relationship just before yours ended, then before he went away to college, she told him she was pregnant. He broke up with her. Told her he didn’t want the baby and that he had a whole hockey career ahead of him …” Amelia cuts off as her voice takes on an edge.

“Fuck.”

“She was pissed when it happened, but by five, it was very obvious who Kasen looked like and that she’d dodged a bullet.”

“But she still didn’t tell me,” I murmur.

“You were in St. Louis. With …” She sighs. “A whole hockey career ahead of you too.”

My jaw clenches so tight my teeth scratch. “Who was he? Who do I have to kill?”

Amelia actually laughs. “I like to think he got the karma he deserves. He never made it to a professional career. That was enough for Carly.”

I sit with my thoughts, with all that information, and wonder if it’s good enough for me. If I’m honest with myself, the homicidal thoughts are loud, but why? Is it because he was a dick? Because he ditched them? Because of the cheating?

Bit by bit, the rage trickles into a deep sadness instead.

I want to be mad that Carly cheated, but … we were kids. Sheltered ones. We were never going to make it all the way, and even back then, my whole focus was on Barrett—and she knew it. I wish I’d never made her feel like that. I wish whoever this asshole is had never left her alone. I wish she knew she could talk to me and that I wasn’t like all the other assholes, but it’s not like I ever proved that to her.

Even back then, Kasen would have been my priority, but how the hell was Carly supposed to know that when I never made her mine? My life was hockey and Barrett. As much as I want to blame her for everything … I can’t. Too much of it is on my shoulders too.

“Thank you,” I finally say.

Amelia frowns. “That’s it? You’re not going to get angry or demand a paternity test or⁠—”

Her voice wobbles, and I shift closer to take her hand. “I have a lot of regrets, but a smart man once told me what-ifs don’t change anything. All we can focus on is moving forward. I can do that now. So thank you.”

She hiccups back a sob. “I really wish she had told you.”