Page 82 of House of Bass

“The same night you and Liam did what you did,” he gives me a look as he says this and when I briefly turn my eyes away, he uses a finger to make me face him again, “she came to my dorm at midnight. And we talked. I initially didn’t want to hear what she had to say because I still held on to the foolish hope that I could convince my father to put an end to it. She said there was no point prolonging the inevitable and that you and I would never be together. The longer she told me you weren’t right for me, while I was still reeling from what happened between you and Liam, I ended up agreeing with her.” With each word that leaves him, I sit there in shock that MJ would say that. Even after knowing how much I loved him.

“ Our fathers hated one another anyway, even if you did tell me you loved me back, what were the chances he’d let me break off my engagement with MJ? That was my logic. I told her to give me a couple weeks before we made it public. We faked it at first but then a couple weeks later she kissed me, confessing that she had liked me from the start and she knew it was always meant to be me and her. You have to understand that when we agreed to fake it, I didn’t want it to be anything more than the arrangement but watching you everyday be with someone else, I let myself accept it,” he concludes.

“Whenever I asked how you both got together, she stuck with the story you both spun that first time you revealed you were dating, about it just being instant. That you kissed her first. She lied to me.” I can feel my throat closing up, tears building.

He shook his head, “I let her tell that lie because I didn’t think there was a point in correcting her. She was the driver of our relationship, I was merely the passenger who did what she wanted. But it was my choice.”

“So, you didn’t love her?”

He cradles my face in his hands, “I’ll always love Madeleine-James but no, no matter how hard I tried, I was not in love with her. That honour has only ever belonged to one other person. You.”

Droplets of tears fall and I kiss the inside of his wrist and then his hands. “It wasn’t just you who told half-truths. I never told you about what happened between Liam and I,” I say. “We never really dated, it was all fake.”

Now it is his turn to frown, “Why? Did you really not want to be with me that badly?”

“No, it was never about you,” I tell him, now cupping his face. “My father started putting so much pressure on me for a few years before then, I was so in my head about it all that I thought I was no good for you. Because he told me I wasn’t good enough, about everything, and I believed him. The idea of someone loving me so strongly and blindly in such a way… I couldn’t handle it.”

Arden holds onto me tighter as my voice shakes. I don’t want to tell him too much because he’ll do nothing but blame himself for not realising the extent at which my sadness had burrowed within me. The one who notices everything not being able to see what was right in front of him.

“So, I made the split-second decision to do something that would draw you away for a little bit. Liam didn’t mind, you know how he was, he lived to piss you off.”

Arden scowls every time his name is mentioned, “He’s a fucking dick.”

They were rivals on the court, Liam beat him at a competition when they were thirteen and he’s held a grudge ever since. Though Liam eventually went pro and Arden didn’t.

“That’s why I picked him. I figured it would inflict the most hurt but what I didn’t piece together until it was too late was that we would be fractured forever. The last five years have felt like forever.”

“It did do damage but it would’ve hurt no matter who you chose,” he says, wiping the stray tears on my face that had fallen. “Seeing you be with other people who weren’t me, it felt like my chest was ripping at the seams.”

“I’m sorry.”

He kisses me, it’s achingly soft, like an apology. “You know, when I told you all that about MJ, it wasn’t to absolve myself but to let you love me without guilt. No more self-destructing. No more blocking our own path, on both ends. We’ve had enough obstacles in our way. I will find a way for us to be together forever. I swear it.”

“On my heart?” I ask, subconsciously memorising his face at this moment.

“On the sun, moon and the stars.”

30

HARLEY

There was a blistering chill tonight but Harley wasn’t inside; she had her feet hanging on the edge of St Paul’s Cathedral where she and Scarlett had snuck into an hour ago. The church was beautiful, from the little she saw as they were running in and from what she’d seen of the outside in passing before. Hopefully another time she could see it during the day when she took one of their walks. Her and Scarlett spent a lot of time walking and talking everywhere; it was their favourite thing to do, finding random places like this, especially roofs they could sneak up onto and just stay there together. During these times, they didn’t need anything but each other.

Somehow Scarlett knew her way almost to the very top even though she herself had thought it impossible to get to. They would’ve stayed somewhere warmer but they were feeling reckless and Harley was feeling extremely existential today so she’d agreed. It was always a bit weird being in the house when Annabel was gone. She had left for a trip with Arden earlier and Harley’s first thought had been to call Scarlett.

“Crisps or chocolate?” Scarlett asked her, her hair blowing in the winds as she held up both options. She went to get scran from the corner shop while Harley waited.

“Neither. Did you get any strawberry laces?”

“Yes, but why neither ?” she asked, incredulous.

“You know I don’t like them.”

“True but I was hoping I could convince you with the cookies and cream.”

“Hershey’s?” Harley asked.

“I have Hersheys!” she answered with joy, shuffling it out of the bag where the others were. Scarlett found it and grinned brightly as she handed it over.