Page 60 of Plus-Size Bullied Mate

I don’t defend myself because there’s nothing to defend. She’s right, and the accuracy of it all cuts through any anger I planned on unleashing here and now. Instead, it feels pointless.

With a long breath, I sit on the edge of the bed and look at the floor while I gather my thoughts and force myself to think rationally.

Tessa doesn’t fill the silence this time, apparently having gotten the worst of it off her chest.

“You’re right,” I murmur, absently rubbing the back of my neck before I glance at her. “I was irritated by you and Dominic, but neither of you did anything wrong. I’ve been unfair to you, in more ways than one. I watched you get along so easily with him, and it seemed so different from how you are with me, and that piled on top of everything else tonight… it got to me.”

Tessa watches me with a complicated expression, like she’s trying to navigate how to handle this in real time.

“I didn’t have any right to be jealous, and maybe I don’t have any right to be angry that you helped innocent lives tonight, but I just want to keep you safe, even if it makes me sound crazy,” I murmur. “I can’t help what my instincts tell me to do when it comes to you, but maybe I can stand to try a bit harder.”

“Maybe you should,” Tessa murmurs, sounding less angry, too.

The stiff tension gradually melts as Tessa moves closer to the window and crosses her arms, watching the dark shapes outside shift with every gust.

“I’m tired,” she murmurs, holding herself like it’s the only comfort she has right now. “And I’m not talking about tonight. I’m tired of all of it… this period of my life where anything I do is insufficient for whoever is standing in front of me at the time.”

Catching the vulnerability coming out in her words, I don’t say anything and let her continue.

“I spent most of my life in this pack not being enough, being too much, or being the wrong thing. I was the thing people didn’t want to look at or tolerate, so I learned to be small because that was the only me that didn’t cause a reaction. It passed as safe for long enough. Then you came back.”

My stomach drops a bit, well aware of what she’s going to say.

“You started something that made me the opposite of small. I understand that there’s a bond, and I feel it too, but you stood in front of the pack and announced me like I was a decision you made because it was strategic, not because you actually wanted me,” she continues, eyes looking more distant now. “It felt no different from before, just the other side of the same coin.”

“Tessa.” I find myself murmuring as something loosens in my chest, and I try to swallow back the lump in my throat.

“I know you regret it. I can see that you do, but regret means nothing if you don’t change. I don’t know if you truly have, or if you’ve just gotten old enough to feel bad about it. Those are two very different things.”

“They are.”

“Then tell me which one it is for you,” Tessa quietly demands, seeming more like she’s standing on the precipice of something wildly important to her, and it is.

For longer than I mean to, I sit there and focus on the storm outside, and the sound of her heart beating wildly across the room. All the while, the connection between us is patiently waiting.

“I knew it when we were kids,” I begin, full of resolve now as I watch her face. “I felt the bond earlier than I should have, earlier than what made any sense, and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I was sixteen, and I knew I was going to be the alpha one day, and I was goddamn afraid of it. Of what it meant, what it would cost, and if I was capable of being what it required. So I left. The military was about distance as much as it was ambition. I left because you were here, and so was the bond. I didn’t know what to do about either.”

Tessa goes very still as my every word sinks in at once, and she blinks back at me now. Her voice comes out smaller than before. “You knew?”

“Yes.”

“All that time,” she murmurs, more caught between disbelief and slight irritation now. “You knew, yet you stayed away.”

“I handled what I was feeling by not handling it at all, and you paid the price because of it. That’s the truth of it,” I tell her, being more honest with her than I ever have been. “I was a coward about it, and I can’t take any of it back now. If I could, I would in a heartbeat. I never would’ve let you feel unwanted or like you were any kind of burden. You’re so much more than that, Tessa.”

At that, more complicated emotions move through her eyes, and she takes a slow, shaky breath.

It doesn’t register until now that I’m on my feet, and the distance between us has started to shrink.

Maybe I should take this slow and give her time to come to terms with everything I’ve said to her. But the longing in my chest is burning so hot now that I can’t do anything but let it guide me.

All I’ve ever done is ignore these instincts concerning Tessa, and I can’t anymore.

I don’t know who moves first, but before my mind can catch up, she’s in front of me, and then she’s close enough for my hands to find her face with the gentleness I’ve reserved only for her.

She doesn’t pull back this time.

Instead, Tessa kisses me like she has finally reached the same point I’ve been at for some time now, and I kiss her back like I’m starving.