Page 58 of The FBI Agents Who Stole Me

He looks down at me almost like that actually hurt him.

Good. I swing my foot against him again.

“Of course it’s my name. I don’t want to control you, Lee. I never did.” He shifts his grip when I kick him again, moving me farther from his chest. “Jesus, stop kicking me.”

I do an internal fist pump and try to wiggle away. It’s useless. He pulls me closer without meaning to, or maybe with too much meaning, until my chest brushes his. The contact sends heat skittering straight down my spine. I hate my body for responding.

“I didn’t pick them,” he says. “I picked you.”

I scoff. “Bullshit.”

“I would do fucking anything...” His voice drops and loses its edge, cracking on the last word. “Because I love you.”

My pulse stutters. “Don’t,” I say. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“You think I don’t mean it?” His hands loosen around my arms, almost trembling now.

“Lee… I lied. I falsified reports. I stalled every lead that could have ended this with you in handcuffs. I sat in briefings and watched them build a case that would put you away for the rest of your life, and I helped them do it slower.”

“Stop.” I shake my head, but he ignores me.

“I killed the version of myself that believed in loyalty and duty. I killed the future I was supposed to have. And I’d do it all again without thinking twice.”

His forehead drops to mine, breath ragged.

“I didn’t ask you to,” I whisper, even though my voice isn’t steady anymore.

“I know,” he breathes. “That’s the point. You never had to. I just… looked at you and decided loving you was worth destroying everything else for, Lee.”

I don’t move. I can feel his pulse through his shirt, fast and hard.

“Let go,” I whisper. It doesn’t sound like a threat anymore.

He ignores me.

“If I could go back,” he says quietly, “I'd change a thousand things about how I did it.” His voice catches. “But I wouldn't change choosing you.”

My heart slams hard enough to hurt. “Yeah, maybe you are on my side now. But when we were together…”

His lips pull in a thin line.

“Did you use me?” My voice cracks. “Every time I trusted you... every time I cried to you about Julian... every time I let you touch me...” I swallow hard. “Was I just another part of your investigation?”

Elliot's face crumples, and he releases his hold on me. I will my legs to hold me up and take a step back.

“No.”

“Then answer me.” I force myself to meet his eyes. “Did you follow me to the gun range that day?”

His throat bobs.

“Were you watching me before that?” I whisper. “I found out about the other girls that day.”

“Yes.” The word barely leaves his mouth.

I shake my head, trying to make it fit together.

“Oh, God...” The realization crashes over me so hard my knees almost give out. “You weren't just comforting me.”