Page 42 of The FBI Agents Who Stole Me

“Because you’re a doctor, and you’re so good, Julian. Better than me. You save people, and I stopped caring who I had to destroy a long time ago.” I swallow hard. “I didn’t want you becoming part of the string of felonies I committed trying to find justice for my sister. I didn’t want to make you choose between being good and loving me.”

He exhales through his nose. He’s angry and hurt. I bite my lip, waiting for him to lose it.

“I would’ve chosen you,” he says.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you. And I’m not going to stop, Julian. I have to find the truth. Emily deserves it.”

Julian stays silent. I can tell he’s thinking about everything.

“The man in my apartment was part of it.”

I stare at my feet, avoiding his gaze.

“He had ties to the other girls that died. He admitted to knowing the girls were part of Project Vine. He didn’t have the information I needed about Emily. Or he was a really good liar.”

Julian stares at me, and I feel like I might combust under his watch.

“He trafficked teenage girls. He had been accused of assault more than once, but no one ever made a charge stick. He hurt young women, Julian. Girls Emily’s age. Girls younger than her.”

Julian’s face loses all color. “The man I tried to save.”

“Yes.” My voice drops to barely more than a whisper.

I force myself to hold Julian’s gaze.

“I killed him. He was never going to walk out of my warehouse anyways.”

He steps closer.

“What do you need from me now?”

I swallow.

“I need to know if you’re still willing to love me once you find out all the things I’ve done. Because it’s been a lot more than I just told you. And I justified most of it, but I’m bad. I’m dirty now and working against my own team. I’ve killed people, Julian. I either murdered or set up deaths. And once I find out who filled my sister with the drugs that took her from me, I’m going to put a bullet in them myself.”

I take a quick breath, bracing for him to tell me to fuck off.

He doesn’t, so I continue with my plea.

“I have redacted trial logs I can’t interpret on my own. Dosages, adverse reactions, medical shorthand, and medical codes. I need someone who understands clinical trials and what Vinculum was designed to do. I need you to help me prove it wasn’t an accident. And I need you to understand that if we do this, there’s no going back. I always knew I would get caught, Julian. Once I started down this road, I decided to blow up anything I could in my path, because I was going down anyway.”

He steps closer to me and places his hand on my cheek.

“There is no way I couldn’t love you. My heart needs yours, babydoll. I’m not leaving your side.”

I know he means it, because everything he says is so honest and kind.

“I don’t deserve you, Julian.” My voice cracks, but I hold it together.

“You do. I’m sorry if you ever thought that was the truth. I’m sorry you ever felt my love required you to be clean or innocent or anything less than exactly what you are… that part is on me.”

A sob breaks out of me, ugly and helpless, and Julian crosses the last inch between us. His arms wrap around me before my knees can give out.

I love him too. Of course I do but I can’t say it back. I just… can’t because I want to believe him, but I’m so scared I’ll lose him again.

Julian eases back only far enough to reach past me and open the kitchen junk drawer. He removes a small black flash drive from beneath a drawer of dish rags.

“Elliot left this for you before he went back. He said it has everything he could find.”