Page 70 of For Your Consideration

“I was thinking we could have her two weeks a month, you know, so we can bond, make up for lost time.”

I scraped a hand over my head. “Do you even know her name?” I was feeling a little dizzy, but I took a deep breath even though it felt like I couldn’t get enough oxygen into my lungs.

I was seriously concerned about passing out.

“Don’t be like that, Sutton.”

“So that’s a no.”

“Doesn’t matter. I want to meet her. She’s my kid.”

“She isn’t your kid! You may have contributed to her creation but you are not her father. You don’t even know her name, Ben! She’s not yours! But you want to take her for two weeks at a time?! You told me before that you don’t even like kids.” I hated that my voice was rising but I couldn’t help it.

I knew I had been too loud when I noticed Quinn standing in her doorway but I was too focused on the man on the phone to worry about it.

“That’s bullshit, Sutton. You’ve been keeping her from me.”

“I’ve been keeping her from you? What are you talking about! You didn’t even believe me when I told you she was yours. You called me a whore and then walked out. I got back home that night and you’d left all my stuff outside and changed the locks. You didn’t answer my calls, you didn’t come meet her in the hospital or before we moved away. I gave you every opportunity to be involved and I have emails to prove it all. I haven’t been keeping shit from you.” I was panting a little, the anger at least replacing the fear.

“I was trying to be nice,” he said in a calm tone that I knew too well. He used to speak to me that way to manipulate me. To convince me that I was wrong. It used to work. “But this is unacceptable. If we can’t be adults about this, then fine, I’ll petition for custody. Who do you think the judge will want her with? I’m much more stable than you, Sutton.”

“You are delusional.”

“It was nice catching up. You’ll hear from my lawyer. Such a shame, we could have been so civil, which is what I wanted. I hope you’re prepared to lose her.” He hung up before I could say anything.

I sat there holding the phone to my ear. My mind started racing.

I knew rationally that the chances of a judge granting him sole custody were probably slim. He hadn’t been in her life. But what if they gave him shared custody—what would I do? Not only did I not want her to be around him but I also couldn’t bear being away from her.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I wasn’t prepared for this.

My breath started coming in fast and my ears were ringing.

I’d had a panic attack before, when I realized that I would be raising a child on my own.

This was how it started.

My hands were tingling and the world around me sounded like I was under water.

“Sutton?” I jumped when Quinn rested her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my panic slightly. She was watching me closely, a deep frown on her face. “Are you okay?”

“I…” I put the phone down and ran my hand through my hair. “I can’t breathe…” I gasped. “…very well.”

“What happened?” Quinn asked with her hand still on my shoulder, her thumb rubbing a comforting circle.

It might have been the only thing grounding me at that moment, keeping me here and stopping me from giving in to the panic taking over my body.

“I think I need a lawyer,” I managed to push out.

19

Sutton

My head was feeling fuzzy, my chest tight. Quinn had her phone to her ear in seconds but I couldn’t focus on what she was saying.

I put my head down on the table in front of me.