Page 43 of For Your Consideration

We moved through the zoo, seeing polar bears, wolves, giraffes, elephants, and lions. I made a joke about seeing his namesake when we saw the grizzly bears, and he just sent me a look that gave me a thrill.

The whole time we chatted about nothing of importance. He told me about the private members club and how construction was going, and I told him about how working for Quinn had finally given me a feeling of purpose.

I credited his obsession with the mediocre diner I’d worked at for me having the job. He brushed it off, scoffing. When I asked him why he’d come into the restaurant so often, he mumbled something about the food. When I asked if he’d been back since I left, he ignored me, moving Sophie closer to one of the exhibits.

I’d wondered why he came in so often. I’d noticed him. Of course I had. The man was completely captivating. But I’d been so lost in my own stress, I hadn’t had the space to think about it. But since he’d brought Quinn in, he might very well be the reason my life had taken the turn I needed.

And I could never thank him enough for that.

I didn’t think he’d accept my thanks though so I’d have to find another way to make sure he knew how much I appreciated him. At least getting time with my daughter seemed to bring him some joy. He refused anytime I offered to carry her or put her in the stroller. He just looked at me and shook his head, like he was unhappy I was even offering.

We were on our way to see the gorillas when Sophie started to get fussy, her face getting red and her cry reaching a higher pitch than normal. Asher tried bouncing her but she started to reach for me.

“Is she tired of me?” Asher asked with a frown. I smiled at him as I took my daughter, who instead of snuggling into me started to pull at my shirt.

“No, pretty sure she’ll go back to you the second I feed her. I’ve started her on some solids but she still likes milk.”

He swallowed, cleared his throat, and then nodded. “Where do you want to go?”

I shrugged. “I just need a seat.”

Asher looked around, his eyes locking on a quiet spot in the garden with an empty bench. He grabbed the stroller from me, putting one hand on my lower back, and led me toward the spot.

I grabbed a blanket and tossed it over my shoulder. Normally I didn’t bother but my bra wasn’t the best for subtly popping a boob out and Asher was refusing to make eye contact so I didn’t want to shock him or make him send a death glare at anyone who looked our way.

The second Sophie latched on, she settled down. Her little hand went to rest on my boob. It was one of my favorite feelings, having her like this.

Asher settled next to me on the bench, finally looking over at me. His eyes darted down, an almost fascination in them, but they didn’t linger, not that there was much to see anyway. I smiled at him before looking away. People walked around us, kids screamed on the playground nearby, and the sun was warm on my face. It was a perfect spring day.

“You’re a good mum, Sutton,” Asher said.

My eyes moved back to his. “Some days it doesn’t feel like it.”

“Let me know when you need a reminder. She’s happy and fed and seems to be thriving. I don’t have much experience with kids but even I can tell how much she loves you.”

“I feed her, of course she loves me,” I tried to joke, but he didn’t laugh. Instead he just held my stare. Finally, I let out a sigh and gave him a soft smile. “Thanks, Ash.”

After a moment he nodded, his arm moving to rest on the bench behind me. “Can I ask you a question about your pregnancy?”

I looked over at him, a little startled. “What?”

“I didn’t push you when you mentioned something the other day. I might not be good at it but you said we’re friends.” He had a weird look on his face but I didn’t want to know the reason why.

“It doesn’t mean you’re entitled to information.” I glanced down at Sophie. Her suckling had slowed. She would likely take another nap after this, if I could get Asher to let her sleep in her stroller.

“I know,” he said softly, pulling my attention back to him. “But I’m hoping you’ll tell me anyway.”

“What questions did you have?”

“You mentioned that you were sick.”

I nodded. “Well, it started with my morning sickness not going away after the first trimester like most. And what they don’t tell you is that it’s not always just the morning.” I let out a sad chuckle. His serious eyes were locked on me and he didn’t laugh. “I was sick all the time. It was horrible.”

It was miserable. I was alone and scared and could hardly move some days. My doctor was worried because I wasn’t gaining weight as I should’ve been and not getting as much sleep. Eating had been hard but everything I did was for the sweet girl in my arms. I would never regret it.

“There’s more,” Asher stated as I moved Sophie off my boob since she’d finished and if I didn’t get her moving it would be nap time before I knew it. I tucked myself back in and tossed the blanket over my shoulder while I moved Sophie to my lap.

I patted her on the back, more to give myself something to do. “Just as some of the sickness started going away in my third trimester, the doctors said I was preeclamptic. I had no idea what it meant when they first told me. My blood pressure was high, I had swelling, and I had some issues with my vision.” Once I started I couldn’t stop talking. The only other person who knew all of this was Iris. “They monitored me but I seemed to be getting worse. Given all the issues during the pregnancy and because I went to one of my last checkups really short of breath, she was born at thirty-three weeks.”