Page 48 of Tracked By Sasquatch

Jasper’s breathing picked up and his arm around her tightened almost painfully. She could tell he was biting his tongue; he wanted to explode. She knew him well enough to know that, but he also knew her well enough to not speak yet. To let her get through it.

“I heard him after with Mom, she’d waited in the living room. He mentioned my thunder thighs. After that, it became her favorite insult. So, that’s where all that scarring came from. Every time she said it, I cut or stabbed at them.”

Jasper gasped then kissed the top of her head. Not only could she feel his angry breathing against her hair, she heard what sounded like a sob he was holding back.

He’d touched those marks, kissed them, he knew there were a lot of them. How many times her mother destroyed a piece of her.

When she didn’t continue, he spoke. “Thank you for telling me. I’d carry it for you, Devin. If I could, I’d carry every fucking scar and memory, so you didn’t have to. I can’t erase what happened, but I can erase them.”

By his menacing tone, she knew who they were. It was spoken through his emotion-clogged throat, but she heard the truth of it. The finality of it. It was something she’d had to come to terms with before telling him, because she knew that would be the end result.

In some weird, twisted way, she was okay with it. It was one of the reasons she’d never told Lucas. She didn’t want her brother to bear the weight of killing his own mother and one of his oldest friends.

“I need to speak to her first.”

Jasper nodded. They were on the same page and understood one another with few words.

“And… I need it finished before I tell Lucas. He shouldn’t have to… you know.”

“I know, Sweetness, and I agree. No man should have to do that.”

They lay there in a comfortable silence while each processed their emotions individually, but together. It was then that she understood how she didn’t have to be alone to do something herself. Sure, he’d said it to her, but she didn’t get it until just then.

“I’ve been selfish, Jasper.” She felt the protest he was about to launch. “I appreciate what you’re going to say but it’s the truth. I have disconnected from everyone and only cared about my own feelings. Not considering anyone else’s or how my rescue impacted the club. My refusal to give them the information to act. Even my reckless trip here. I owe a lot of people an apology when I get back. I owe the club, both chapters an apology as well.”

She took a deep breath. “And you, Jasper. I owe you too. The other night, I was using you to try to unblock something inside me. Something I thought sex would help. It didn’t, but you did. You saw me. Actually, saw me. You turned my biggest fears into positives and helped me see myself too. Even after that, I left and lied to everyone to go on this fool’s errand.”

She dared to look up into his eyes. If she saw his refusal to acknowledge her mistakes, it would crush her. That would mean he didn’t really see her at all, not like he had then. But that’s not what she saw. She saw pride, warmth, and acceptance. Plus, a little hurt.

“I am truly sorry for not seeing you when you saw me.”

“I accept your apology, Devin.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “You did see me though. It scared you and you pulled back, but you did. I know you did. I felt it. In here.” He took her hand and placed it over his heart and held it there with his own.

“Most importantly, you chose me. Even though you snuck out, you chose me. I knew it, even if you didn’t.”

He gave her a wicked grin and ran that silver ball across his top lip and she almost moaned aloud.

“It was the dick, right? It’s always the dick.”

Slapping his chest playfully, she dropped her head back down. “Nope, it was the pudding cups.”

His laugh vibrated through his chest and into her soul causing the three words she’d never said to another man to dance across her lips, but she couldn’t let them free. There was still more to tell.

After what felt like forever, she broke the silence.

“The reason I came back was for Ida. She’s Thom’s bedridden mother. That was why he kept me. Her insurance lapsed and the home health care was canceled.” If he weren’t such an asshole, she might have been able to admire the lengths he’d been willing to go through to try to help her. But holding someone against their will was a hard line.

“He kept me chained in the room with her during the day. He used threats and proximity to control me when he was there. Ida didn’t defend his actions, said he was a good boy once, but turned into a right shit. She’d tsk him every day at treating me like that. Between us, we had him skeptically believing I was his girlfriend and would willingly stay and care for her. I was going to run, I think. I really hadn’t decided. Maybe I was going to put her in her wheelchair and take her with me. I remember the confusion and indecision… the possibilities assaulting me at breakneck speed when I heard him back out of the driveway, and I wasn’t tethered.”

She swallowed hard and continued. “The door was locked from the outside and the windows barred. I was running around looking for a way out when Ida had one of her episodes. I stopped and sat with her, holding her hand, trying to calm her down. The front door burst open and Ida turned frightened eyes on me. I motioned her to be quiet. I locked her bedroom door and snuck toward the front. I didn’t have a weapon, but I could at least move. When I saw who it was, they whisked me away giving the order to clear the house. I told them I was the only one there.”

Devin found it harder and harder to explain her actions because as she recounted them, it was glaring how wrong she’d been.

“Ida and I had hours to just talk. I knew she was terrified of the club. She had freaked out when I told her who I was and that my brother would come for me. She made me promise that if they came, I’d run with them and never look back… so that’s what I did. But it’s eaten me alive ever since. That’s why I wanted to go back for her without the club.”

There it was out there. She’d finally said it aloud and the tears followed.

Jasper let her cry it out, like he knew she needed to just sit with it. When her sniffles slowed, he spoke softly.