Page 19 of Outlawed

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Shepard slides his hand over my thigh. I cover it with mine and sigh.

“Sometimes the truth is just shit. Doesn’t mean I can hide from it, though. I think Austin is right. He always planned to take my virginity from me, which is why he wanted to marry me off to a weak-ass bitch like Andy, who wouldn’t give a fuck about me anyway. When he realized someone had beat him to it…” I shake my head, wondering what the fuck was going through his mind in that moment. How did any of this seem like a good idea?

“He did it to protect himself. The monster suddenly realized someone more deadly had entered the game. One with a vendetta against him.”

“But I didn’t want revenge, I wanted freedom.”

“He wasn’t thinking like a sixteen-year-old girl, though.”

I nod, understanding what he’s saying. “He fucked his own life up, too. It must have been plan B or C, and a poorly thought-out one at that. There were so many things he overlooked. In the end, it just didn’t seem worth it. I lost fifteen years of my life for nothing. He still lost everything in the end.”

“I’m sorry for everything you lost, Poppy, but I’m not sorry that man fucked himself over. Sometimes, I wish I were more like Austin, then you’d never have to worry about that motherfucker again.”

“No, you don’t.”

He sighs. “No, I don’t. I really hate that guy.”

And for some reason, this cracks me up. And I don’t stop laughing all the way back to the ranch.

Chapter Seven

The ranch is quiet when we arrive. Too quiet. Hannah isn’t here, and I wonder if this is one of those moments I realize that the last time I heard Hannah laugh is the last time I’ll ever listen to her laugh again.

Clawing panic wells up inside me. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to tell a little girl that her mom isn’t coming home.

“Poppy?”

I stare up at the house as the door swings open, and I feel it welcome me home. It can tell something is wrong, but I don’t think it’s figured it out yet. Will it grieve Dawn’s loss? Will it blame me, too? I take a step toward it as I hear the guys talking behind me.

“Poppy?”

I turn robotically to Shepard. He wraps his arms around me. My body feels stiff and unyielding. I don’t know how to soften it for him. I’m scared that if I don’t hold everything tight, I’ll crumble again.

“I have to go. God, I wish I could stay. But I need to take care of Dawn now, for you and for Hannah,” he says softly, his words tearing through me as the bullet did through her.

I tip my head back. Tears flood my eyes once more at his gentle tone, the sadness in his expression reflecting my own. “You’ll take good care of her, yeah?”

“The best. I promise.”

I nod shakily as he bends down and presses his lips to my forehead. “Do you know anything about her family?”

I pull back and sigh. “Her parents were devoutly religious. I don’t know if they’re still alive. But if they are, I have the distinct feeling they had nothing to do with Dawn and Hannah. They’ve never come up in conversation other than when Dawn mentions how they told her she would either marry Porter or they’d kick her out after she found out she was pregnant.”

He curses. “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that same bullshit.”

I don’t doubt that for a second.

“I need you to call Jen. I know she worked with Dawn on legal stuff after she left Porter. Or I can call her. Whatever you want, but Poppy, this can’t wait. We potentially have grandparents and Porter now who’ll seek custody of Hannah.”

“Over my dead body!” I hiss.

“Yeah, well, I for one don’t want it to come to that. Call Jen. See what she says. Dawn was smart. She’d have had a contingency plan in case something like this happened.”

I swallow and nod. He’s right. I think back to the very first time she mentioned Porter killing her. She knew. She always knew, and I was so fucking adamant I could keep her safe.

As if reading my mind, he slides his hands up my arms and cups my jaw. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was.”