Page 145 of Keldori By Daybreak

His breath broke over my face as he laughed, warm and sweet. “I promise I did everything in my power not to, but I can’t help myself. You are wonderful to love.”

“I’m sorry I tricked you into thinking so.”

He made a disapproving sound at my self-deprecation, but I pressed my forehead against his and twisted his hair around my fingers.

“You’re the wonderful one. My Grimguard. My Ciarán. I love you too.”

“My Lady.” His lips mirrored my smile.

I pressed against him again as we laughed through the kiss, together and alive because, rather in spite, of each other.

31. Intro to Tides and Currents

Kamryn may have tried to kill me, but I still didn’t like the way Una was licking her lips where she curled at the entrance of our cave. Wherever she’d dragged his body and what exactly she’d done with it, I was happy not knowing the details of, but the scrap of red uniform fabric stuck in her canines made my stomach churn.

As much as my stomach churned, however, it didn’t burn with the sting of open ulcers. My ribs didn’t ache with fractures and bruises.

I was finally whole.

Or mostly.

Ciarán’s blood had been enough to save me, but between the two of us, we didn’t have enough blood left to travel. I was far from being at one hundred percent. He was weaker than usual too, exhausted after his fight with Caitria, drained after giving every lost drop of magick to my Nightmare, and also down a fair bit of blood after giving me what he could.

“Chin down,” he murmured in my ear, brushing bits of hair from my shoulders.

“Right. Sorry.” I tore my eyes away from Una to look at my lap, better exposing the nape of my neck to Ciarán and his knife.

“Don’t apologize.” His laugh was warm on my neck, and the gentle scrape of his blade against the base of my head sent a shiver down my spine.

He’d helped me shave down my undercut once before in Keldori. I’d been embarrassed at the time, showing the choppy mess of hair to Liam. The state of it was even worse now. Not only was it overgrown, but I’d been pulling at it more, making it all the more spotty and my hair plucking compulsion all the more obvious.

But I wasn’t embarrassed anymore. Maybe it was his blood pumping through my veins, the kiss we’d shared, or the way our mental tether seemed to run deeper and stronger than before, but I didn’t mind Ciarán seeing the messiest part of me.

He hummed as he worked, occasionally rasping snatches of song in a low voice and foreign tongue. I focused on the sound, trying to distract myself from the smacking of Una’s lips. When Ciarán brushed the final strands of hair from my shoulders, I reached up to inspect his work with my hand.

The haircut was even enough, despite the patches my trichotillomania had left completely bare. They’d grow back soon, and Ciarán could even it out again then.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” He let a tress of my longer hair slip through his fingers as he stood.

I’d always imagined my first kiss, should I ever have one, would signal a universe shift. Colors would change, the world would look different, and I’d be endowed with some secret of the cosmos only available to those who had at some point pressed their lips against those of someone else.

Everything would change. I would change.

But in the most wonderful way, nothing did.

I was still me, and Ciarán was still Ciarán. His thoughts continued to buzz in my head, and I was sure mine did the same on his end. If there was anything different, it was that he made a little more sense now, and I appreciated him all the more for it.

Unfortunately, what I understood better than anything was that there would not be another kiss.

I didn’t regret the one we’d shared the day before when I’d woken up. Ciarán didn’t either—I could feel that much through our bond. But he was a Grimguard and I was a Saergrim, and while I didn’t care about arbitrary rules, there was no pretending we didn’t have bigger problems at hand than our forbidden feelings for each other.

Maybe when this was all over, we could revisit the issue. For now, the fact that Ciarán wanted to kiss me at all was enough. And I knew without a doubt that he did.

“Rabbit?” He held a bit of jerky out to me. I grimaced at it, and he frowned. “Meat is good for blood loss.”

“You lost blood too.” I took the meat begrudgingly.