Page 42 of Not Until I Found You

“Here,” he says, passing one to me.

“Thanks.” I take it, turning the wrapper in my hands.

He lifts his bar and taps it lightly against mine, like a toast. “You did good today. You’re a natural at this.”

“I am?”

His grin widens before he rips the wrapper open with his teeth. “You sound surprised.”

“I mean, I’ve hiked a few times before, but I’m no expert. I figured I’d be dragging behind.”

“You might be a beginner,” he adds, leaning back, “but I think you’re made for this.”

A sort of proudness takes over his expression, and I beam at him. Zane takes a bite of his bar, never pulling his gaze from mine. It causes a traitorous heat to coil low in my stomach, spreading to the tips of my fingers and the arches of my ears.

Wow.

Zane’s eyes linger, taking me in piece by piece. They drop briefly to my mouth before returning to mine, and a shaky breath slips past my lips. Derek’s never looked at me like that. Like I’m someone worth noticing.

If Zane keeps focusing on me like this, friendship is going to be harder to obtain than I thought. I shove the intrusive thoughts away and peer out over the glimmering lake. We sit in silence for a long time before Zane breaks it with a quiet confession.

“Lily and I dated in high school. We had big plans for our future together, even discussing marriage after we graduated. I thought she was it for me.”

He pauses, his tone revealing the scars Lily has caused. My fingers twitch to reach for him, to let him know it’s okay to still hurt, and that I’m here for him. Instead, I squeeze my hands together on top of the picnic table, watching his face contort with pain.

“After graduation,” he exhales and continues, “I went to work for my grandfather’s construction business, and she went off to college to study nursing. Her school was a few hours away, but I was confident that we could make it work. We saw each other on the weekends at first, then the visits got shorter and farther apart. I panicked because I didn’t want to lose her, so one day when she was visiting, I decided to propose.”

My hand drifts to my lips as I listen, my heart already anticipating the heartbreak that I know is coming. I stay quiet, giving him space to continue.

“She told me we wanted different things. I wanted to stay in Covewood, and she didn’t. Then she broke up with me.” His voice cracks on the last word. “The very thing I was terrified of happened anyway. I shut down after that and stopped letting people in, no longer trusting my own judgment. I even pulled away from God for a while.”

I stare at him, feeling the echo of his pain resonate inside me. The details of our breakups are different, but the ache appears the same. However, Zane didn’t get the chance to be engaged. But I did.

I said yes to a man who looked me in the eyes and promised forever, only to change his mind afterward. I got to wear the ring, plan the wedding, and feel the dizzying thrill of being chosen. Right before I realized I wasn’t, not really. Maybe Zane had been spared that particular kind of heartbreak. But looking at him now, I realize we both lost the same thing—a future we believed was waiting for us.

“In the end, I only wanted her to choose me, you know? Over everything else, under any circumstance. I wanted to be worth that choice.”

His jaw flexes as he stares into the trees, and I wonder if he’s really over her. Time may have dulled his wound, but some hurts settle deep enough to become a part of you.

“I’m sorry you went through that.”

His eyes lift to mine. “I’m sorry you did too.”

Neither of us looks away. There’s a heaviness but also healing in the silence we’re sharing, as if our wounds are recognizing each other. I blink first, breaking the intensity of his gaze, and reach for the pack at my feet. My fingers brush over the zipper, and as I open it, I reveal a small collection I’ve gathered throughout our hike.

“Are those…” Zane leans forward.

“Plants,” I finish for him. “I started making different tinctures when I first began studying horticulture. Things for headaches, soothing coughs, even simple salves for cuts and scrapes. I thought about giving it a try again, especially since that’s something I’m going to learn more about when I go back to finish my degree.”

His brows pierce together as he studies me.

“See this one?” I ask, pulling a green-and-purple plant from the bag. “This is what people call heal-all.”

Zane’s gaze follows where I point. “Heal-all?”

“Mm-hmm. This little friend is kind of a miracle worker.” I glance up at him, smiling faintly. “You can use it for cuts, burns, sore throats, even stings. It always reminds me that sometimes the simplest things have the most power to restore what’s broken.”

He stares at the plant a moment longer, then his eyes land on mine. “You really know your stuff.”