Page 126 of Not Until I Found You

His eyes dip toward my hand resting beside me against the swing before lifting back to mine again, uncertainty flickering there.

“Can I hold your hand?”

A surprised chuckle escapes me at how strangely sweet the question is and how he’s asking permission to touch me. This simple quality about him has me falling even more in love with him.

“Of course.”

I extend my hand to him slowly, the gesture feeling oddly delicate, sort of like a peace offering neither of us wants to mishandle. The second his fingers lace through mine, a zing rushes all the way up my arm. Zane exhales softly before his thumb brushes carefully over my knuckles.

“I’m sorry. I messed everything up.”

I open my mouth immediately, but he shakes his head before I can interrupt.

“Please, let me say this first.”

The porch swing rocks gently beneath us as he looks down at our joined hands.

“I got scared, which is ridiculous because I knew better while it was happening. But hearing your mom talk about you leaving for school and hearing her say that maybe you were making another mistake because of me…”

I look down at our fingers, at the place where his hand has stilled against mine. My gaze travels up slowly from the inside of his wrist to his muscular forearm and the broad swell of his shoulders, before it finally finds his eyes again.

“It resurfaced the fear I thought I’d dealt with already. I kept thinking about how much you gave up for Derek, and the last thing I ever want is to become another man standing in the way of your future. So, I convinced myself that pushing you away was somehow protecting you…and myself. But it turns out that watching you drive away hurt a whole lot worse than everything I was trying to avoid.”

I watch him carefully as he finally looks back up at me, vulnerability now written across his face. He holds my gaze for so long, his body tense, and I think he’s not going to continue, but he finally says, “I’m sorry for everything.”

His throat bobs in a heavy swallow as his thumb brushes over my knuckles once more before he draws in a slow breath. I want to reach out and make the divot between his brows disappear, releasing the tension in his shoulders.

“And I need you to know I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.” His fingers tighten around mine, like he needs me to feel every word before he says the next one. His gaze searches my face, steady and open in a way that still amazes me sometimes. “I’ll always choose you.”

Months ago, Zane once admitted that the only thing he’d ever really wanted was for someone to choose him. And now here he is, with his heart wide open, offering me the very thing he once begged God for.

“I talked to Ryland this morning, and he told me my job would still be there if I needed to leave for a while. And Ashton can put me in touch with some guys he knows here.” His eyes search mine carefully now.

I blink at him. “What?”

He gives me a nervous smile. “I figured if you needed to stay in Westbridge to finish school, then I’d come with you.” He shrugs a shoulder, like uprooting his whole life is somehow no big deal.

I stare at him, completely humbled by the depth of what he’s offering me. This man cares about me enough to leave the home he’s rooted his life in, leave his family and friends behind, all because he couldn’t bear the thought of losing me.

“Zane…”

“I’m serious,” he says quickly. “I don’t care where we live, Maxinne. I only want to be with you.”

The ache behind my ribs gives way as every fear and every uncertainty I’ve carried for weeks suddenly loosens beneath the weight of his honesty. My whole face spreads into a smile, and a confused crease appears between his brows when he notices.

“What?”

I shake my head, squeezing his hand tighter. “You don’t have to move to Westbridge.”

He looks genuinely dumbfounded. “What?”

I laugh softly this time, unable to help myself. “Because I already made my decision. I didn’t come back here only because of orientation,” I explain gently. “I came to meet with my advisor too.”

Understanding moves slowly across his face, and a smile kicks up one corner of his mouth. His eyes settle on me, and oh how badly I’d love to lean in and kiss him, but I still have some explaining to do.

“My advisor helped me restructure my credits. I can finish most of my degree online. I only need to physically be in Westbridge two days a week for my labs and a couple of in-person classes.” Excitement slips into my voice as I keep going. “I can stay here with Mom during those nights and drive back and forth. It’s what I want to do.”

His lips part, but he still doesn’t say anything. His eyes search mine as his throat bobs in a heavy swallow, and determination transforms his gaze.