Page 120 of Not Until I Found You

My gaze drifts to the window, toward the dark outline of Zane’s cabin. I see no movement or light shifting behind the windows. I reach for my phone on the coffee table, my fingers hesitate for half a second before I pick it up.

I pull up his name, my thumb hovering over the screen as I try to figure out what to say.

Me

Hey. I’m really sorry about everything.

Can we talk?

The message is sent before I can second-guess it. I stare at the screen, watching the small “delivered” appear beneath it. Seconds shift into minutes as I try to convince myself that he might be busy or asleep. But then his name pops up, and my breath stills as I open the message.

Zane

There’s nothing you need to apologize for.

But I think we both could use some space tonight.

I let the message sit there for a moment, staring at the words, reading them again but slower this time, like if I do, they might change. But they don’t.

I lower the phone, staring at the floor as his words echo back through my mind. He wants some space, after everything we promised each other? I swallow, blinking down at the screen again before locking it, the soft click sounding louder than it should. I shake my head dumbfoundedly, not believing that this is actually happening. I snatch my phone back up and type another message.

Me

I don’t need space. I need you.

You told me tonight that I’m the only woman you wanted in the entire world. If that’s true, then you should have asked me to stay.

Minutes tick by, his message showing that he’s read it but is choosing not to respond, until finally he starts typing back. I’m on the edge of the couch, chewing on my lip as I wait for what he has to say. It feels silly, texting him when he’s only next door. I get the urge to rush over there right when his text message comes through.

Zane

I meant every word I said to you.

That’s exactly why I can’t ask you to stay.

I freeze as my eyes stay locked on the screen, tracing over each word. A slow breath slips from me as my grip on the phone loosens enough that I have to adjust it in my hand. If Zane meant everything he said, then why does it feel like he’s already pulling away?

I press my lips together, trying to steady the wave of emotions crashing into me. I know we can fix this. It isn’t something broken beyond repair. No, it’s fear, bad timing, and everything crashing into us at once. Repairing the damage would require Zane to meet me in the middle, but right now, he isn’t even stepping toward me.

The realization sinks deeper the longer I sit with it. I lower my phone into my lap, staring down at it as his words echo back.

I can’t ask you to stay. Not that he wouldn’t. As if wanting me here isn’t enough to risk his deepest fears. As if caring about me comes with a line he’s not willing to cross.

If space is what he needs, then maybe I should give it to him. I inhale slowly, lifting my phone again, my thumb already moving as I pull up my email. The screen glows softly in the dim room as I scroll, my mind catching up to what I’m doing only when I see it.

Westbridge University Orientation.

I didn’t plan on going because I honestly didn’t need to, but now, staring at the date, at the details laid out so plainly in front of me, it feels like something else entirely. It’s a chance to give Zane exactly what he asked for, and maybe a way for me to protect what’s left of my heart in the process.

I open the link, my eyes scanning over information I barely register. I take the time to fill out the form, pressing send, and the confirmation loads, settling into place before I can second-guess it. And just like that, it’s done.

I let my hand fall back into my lap, the phone resting loosely in my grasp as I stare ahead, my thoughts feeling much heavier now. Tomorrow, I’ll tell Mom we’re heading back early, and I’ll go to orientation. I’ll give Zane the space he asked for, and maybe it will help.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Zane

I’m completely miserable.