Page 64 of Everlasting Vows

I close my eyes against the onslaught of emotions and bury my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her warmth and familiarity, grounding myself in her presence. It’s unbelievable to me that she sees anything good in me after all these years. Her hands rub soothingly up and down my back, mending my broken pieces and slowly putting me back together.

I don’t deserve her.

I never have.

But I’m too selfish to let her go.

21

ABBI

I observe my husband silently as he sets out our picnic. In the early years of our relationship, we’d often stay up late talking about everything from our plans for the future, our hopes, the things that bothered us, and what made us happiest. But life started life-ing, I guess, and those discussions were replaced with updates on the kids, asking him to take the trash out, and him asking what I was cooking for dinner. The regular morning check-in about how we slept replaced lingering touches and kisses. Conversation became superficial and practical regarding logistics, scheduling, and organizing. Gone were the discussions where we could be vulnerable and open with each other. But tonight, I feel as if we’re starting to find those types of conversations again. I feel as though I’m learning who my husband is today, what drives him, and what makes him tick.

Hope warms my body, radiating outward from my heart, and lightness replaces the weight I’ve been carrying across my shoulders. It’s strange after all this time to feel as if I can talk to Nix about anything.

With a smile, he passes my pie on a plate. “Enjoy.”

“Oh, I will. My tastebuds have been salivating since we entered Mr. and Mrs. B’s store.” I bite into the pastry, and as soon as the filling hits my tongue, the flavors explode. “Mmm. It’s been too long.”

Nix nods as he swallows his own bite. “It still tastes exactly as I remember.”

“It does. The creamy chicken … the vegetables … the flakiness of the pastry … it’s perfect.” I take another bite, and another, and another. We’re both silent as we enjoy our pies, the only sound our soft moans of pleasure.

Night’s fallen, and the twinkling lights of the city surround us like a glittering skirt, showing us exactly how much it’s grown over the years. It feels incredible to be back up here.

“I love this city,” Nix announces.

“Me too,” I respond. “I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”

“Me neither.” He wipes his fingers and mouth with a napkin. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

He moves the items that lie between us out of the way, then moves closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder, tugging me into him. His warmth soaks through my clothes and into me as I relax into him, leaning my head against his shoulder. His lips press against my beanie, and I release a deep sigh of satisfaction. “This is the only place I ever want to be,” I murmur.

He kisses me again, and I feel his body rise and fall with a deep breath, then the tightness in his muscles release. “Do you remember the first time I brought you up here?”

The memory is a little hazy. “Sort of. I remember thinking this was the perfect place for us to make out.” I chuckle, and Nix joins me. “That was more than thirty years ago. Too long to remember anything well.” He squeezes my shoulder, and we sit quietly, admiring the view. I try to drag my memories from that time forward, but it was so long ago. I remember every time we came up here, we’d get hot and heavy in the backseat of Nix’s old car. A burst of air, half chuckle, half snort, puffs over my lips. “Remember that time you forgot to turn off your headlights, and the battery went flat, so we had to push-start your car down the hill?”

His body shakes against mine with laughter, and my giggles start to take on a life of their own. “Fuck, I’d forgotten about that.” It takes us both a couple of minutes to get our laughter under control. “We’ve had some good times,” Nix says with a sigh.

I snuggle deeper into him, and his arm tightens around me, his thumb stroking me through my thick coat. “Yeah, we have,” I reply, a sense of wistfulness overcoming me. It’s so easy to forget the good when you’re caught up in everything you think you’re missing. But really, the good in our marriage far outweighs the bad.

I guess I forgot for a while.

He peers down at me, and I get lost in his loving gaze. “We’ve been through a lot together, and I know being married to me hasn’t always been easy on you. I’ve been absent more than I’ve been home, and my attention hasn’t always been where it should be, but you’ve always had my heart.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb as his eyes delve into mine.

I literally melt into the blanket spread out beneath me. With his words and the way he’s looking at me beneath the starlight, how could I have lost sight of how much this man loves me? “Nix,” I murmur.

He leans down and presses his lips to mine. I wind my arm around his neck and open my mouth, inviting him to deepen our kiss. His tongue dips inside and rubs against mine teasingly, then he pulls back enough to kiss and nip my top and bottom lips in turn. He mixes soft kisses with deep, all-consuming kisses, sending sparks flying through my bloodstream and creating a beautiful ache in my core.

My entire body sings under his attention, and before I realize what I’m doing, I climb into my husband’s lap, straddling his firm thighs. The seam of my jeans rubs against Nix’s zipper and the unmistakable bulge trapped behind it.

I unzip his coat and mine so we can press tightly together, sharing our body heat, then unwrap my scarf, tossing it to the side. His hands drop to my ass and he grips it firmly, rubbing my core against his hardness.

Once, twice.

A soft moan stumbles up my throat at the beautiful friction he’s creating. With each grind of our hips, my panties become slicker, and the ache in my core grows more insistent.

Our kiss slowly turns frantic, and my body is all sensation and heat. His fingers dig into my ass, and I briefly wonder if I’ll have bruises the size of his fingertips tomorrow. I hope so. I want evidence that this is really happening … that it’s not just a dream. Pleasure hums through my body, tightening my muscles and sending sparks shooting through my veins. I close my eyes, soaking up every sensation.