Page 37 of Hard to Love

“Hardy’s married,” Eric pronounces, yet that’s not the gut check moment it should be. He saves that delivery for the needle across the record screeching announcement it is. “And a father. Although, both are dead now. It’s easy for some people to get away with murder.”

The color drains from Hardy’s face as his refrained tears roll from his eyes, and he falls to his knees in front of me. Feeling light-headed, I stumble as my nephew, Hawk catches me. Everything is spinning; I struggle to catch my breath. Reaching for One, he picks me up in his arms, carrying me to a nearby chair.

“Water. Get Thayer some water, please.” One looks to Lea for help, and she’s by my side in a flash. Turning, my oldest brother clears the place. “Shows over, folks. Thank you for joining us.” As refined as a southern gentleman can be. The guests begin to dissipate as what’s left of my life lies in ruins on the beach.

“He’s been lying to you all this entire time. Hardy’s no good, never has been. Helping him get clean was a good thing. But leaving my sister and their baby to die in the gutter wasn’t. Did he tell you? Did he tell any of you who he was? That he had a family? That he had killed my sister?” Eric bellows as his anger explode on us.

“Stop. She has nothing to do with this, Eric. Thayer’s innocent,” Hardy murmurs from his position on the floor. Unmoving as tears stream down his face, his eyes downcast.

“Oh, but she does, Hardison. She’s the reason you left Erica with your innocent baby.” Looking between Hardy and myself, Eric’s eyes widen as he begins to chuckle. “You’ve got to be kidding me? He didn’t tell any of you? Really?” Eric’s laughter echoes through the evening air, thick with humidity and mire.

“Spit it out, goddamn it, and leave! I’ve had enough of your shit,” One spews.

“Why, thank you. Hardy knew your little sister long before now. He’s been in love with her since she was a little girl. Truth be told, he became your friend for that very reason.” Eric glares at Hardy, who’s still on the floor, unmoving. “He’s a user. He’s a drug addict. He’s no good, never has been. He shot my sister up and left her for dead, so he could wait until your little sister became old enough. He’s a sick fuck.” Eric rages as he stands before Hardy, who remains on his knees in front of us all.

Swallowing back the bile in my throat, I wrap my arms around myself and stand. Crossing the room slowly, I place myself between Hardy and Eric. Hardy’s nearly silent weeping makes my heartache, but now I’ll be strong enough for the both of us.

“Thank you, Eric. If, for a minute, you didn’t think I knew who Hardy was, you’re wrong. I know him; I know who he is. Who he’ll be after this, so thank you. You can leave.” I’m wrestling my emotions with every word, but Eric isn’t my biggest fear. Hardy is. Will he understand?

“Gladly. I just came to destroy him like he did my sister.” Eric stands glaring at me, so I give him all he can handle.

“Alright, mother fucker, you’ve done that. Your lifelong vendetta is paid in full. Look at him; he’s done. It’s over. You’ve crushed him. Bravo, asshole. Now tell me this, will it bring her back? Did you do to her what you did to him? Curse her? Ruin her? She was a drug addict; she knew exactly what the fuck might happen. Hardy’s lived with this life sentence like the rest of you. He pays the goddamn price every day. You don’t know him, his heart or mind. You have no fucking idea about who he is in here, you son of a bitch.” Pounding my chest with every word, I want him to know who he’s dealing with. I don’t fucking back down.

“Whatever. He’s useless. You’ll find out exactly who he is.” Eric smirks as he backs away. “And if you don’t, I promise, I’ll make you both pay. But one way or the other, Hardy will only exist to mourn my sister. She and the baby deserved more than he ever gave them.”

“You’re right. They did deserve more, maybe Erica paid the price, but Hardy also has. There will never be a time that he pays enough for your liking. But I can promise you one thing, if you don’t destroy him this time and you ever come after us again, I’ll finish you. You better make sure you understand; I’m not afraid of you or what you bring to the table.” I point in his face.

Eric begins to say something but is cut off. “My sister has spoken. Now, leave.” Chord is now in his face, walking him off the dance floor backward. I’m not sure where Eric goes; my attention is back on Hardy.

Eric’s departure leaves me with my life in ashes. My eyes flicker to my family; shock and devastation wrote on each face. I turn to Hardy, wanting an explanation. Hoping, no, praying, he has one. Still, on his knees, he hasn’t attempted to look at me, to look at any of us.

“Hardy. Please, say something. Anything,” I say, silently pleading for him to look at me. His head shakes as he begins to rub his thighs. “For the love of God, say something.” I’m begging him now as my tears start to fall.

“It’s true,” he murmurs his two-word answer, incensing One.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Hardy? Was there never a time you thought you could tell me, tell her? Goddamn you.” His voice rising before he hurls a glass across the beach. Lea takes him by the arm.

“One. One, Thayer’s got this. Come on.” Her words crack as she holds her emotions in check as much as possible. Hardy sits back on his heels.

“I…I couldn’t tell you.” He raises his face but still refuses to look me in the eyes.

“Couldn’t tell me, that’s all you have to say? You couldn’t tell me? Tell me what? How were you married? That you were a father?” My body is trembling with anger, my hands in fists at my sides. He doesn’t even realize why I’m hurt.

“I knew this would happen. I knew you all would treat me differently.” Hardy stands, wiping his face. “None of you would accept me for who I am, what I was. Tell the truth. Better yet, look around, damn it. Does this resemble the look of acceptance?” He’s seething, his face now red from anger.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Acceptance? When have we ever treated you differently?” Balling my fist, I point in his face. My temper gets the best of me when I begin to yell again, pushing up on my tiptoes. Our family grows quiet when we stand face to face.

“Now. Right now, Thayer. Look around us, go ahead. Disdain and utter disgust for the drugged-out murderer.” His arms swing wildly, his eyes are shrouded and dark.

“You’ve lost your damn mind; that’s why we’re staring. It’s not disdain as much as it’s disbelief.” I grit my teeth as I hold back the words I really want to say.

“Did you ever believe in me, Thayer?” Hardy turns cold, his eyes black as night. I don’t know him after all.

“I believed in us. I believed in you even when you didn’t. If you’d stop spending so much time trying to ruin everything we’ve built, we might just work.” Reaching forward, I attempt to lay my hand on his chest. He leans away, crushing me.

“You shouldn’t have. I told you. Just go the fuck on and find someone more deserving.” He sets his mouth as if he’s spoken his piece.

“Go to hell. Stop telling me what I deserve. You don’t get to decide that.” For the first time since meeting Hardy, I walk away from him. What’s worse, he watches me do it.