Page 32 of Cruel Dynasty

“Where is Spencer anyway?” Holden asked.

“He didn’t tell you,” I said, a little surprised, even though Spencer had left so early in the morning.

“Tell me what?” Holden was suddenly curious.

I picked up a piece of toast and began slathering it with butter, doing my best to avoid his eyes. “Your grandfather fell. Nothing serious,” I added quickly, “but Spencer went back to take care of a few things.”

“Family things or business things?” Holden asked quietly.

Although I’d been doing my best to not meet his eyes, something in his tone lifted my gaze to him now. Holden’s face was a mask of stony detachment, but I knew what I’d heard hiding in his voice: hurt. “I really couldn’t say. I’m sure that it was something to do with Parliament.”

That seemed like the right excuse to give him. Anything with Parliament, Spencer would handle. However, Holden merely shrugged, almost instantly adopting a devil-may-care attitude. “At least, I didn’t have to go all the way home to London to be useless. How long will Spencer be gone?”

“He said he’ll be back this evening.” I swallowed the bite of toast I’d been chewing, suddenly finding my throat was dry. It scratched on the way down, but that discomfort was nothing to the wicked gaze Holden pinned on me now. “What? Why are you staring at me?”

“I finally got you alone, dirty girl.”

A bit of my dream flashed to mind, and I shook my brain. I needed to keep control of this situation. “Holden, I —”

“We need to talk,” he cut me off.

15

“About what?” I did my best to sound innocent and turned my attention to a platter of scones. Getting abandoned by Spencer was one thing. Being left with Holden called for carbs to distract me. I picked one up and put it back down in favor of another. But even as I tried to act naturally, I felt him watching me.

“Is that how you want to play it?” he asked.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” I managed to keep my voice even despite how my heart was hammering in my chest. I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to keep things under control. Just then, as if my body had decided for me, black spots moved into the corners of my vision. The rest of my body grew heavy like it was being dragged down, falling apart like Holden had planned.

“Not now,” I moaned to myself.

“We have to talk about it.”

But I wasn’t speaking to Holden. I continued muttering, abandoning the scone, to press my fingers to my forehead. My eyes slammed shut, fighting the oncoming panic attack. But it was strong—stronger than any I’ve had for weeks—and I felt myself slipping away. I threw a hand out to steady myself against the table, afraid I might fall out of my chair and tried to coach myself through, muttering, “Not now. Not Fucking now.”

“Are you okay?” Holden’s voice was distant and concerned. There was a rustle of fabric, and, a moment later, he was kneeling beside my chair. A strong hand landed on my back as if he, too, suspected I was on the verge of fainting. “Do you need a doctor?”

I shook my head so fast that I swayed in my seat. Stars joined the black spots in my vision, making the world feel like a might had fallen. It called to me — the darkness — and I knew I wouldn’t avoid it much longer.

“Kerrigan!” Holden yelled.

“Not my name,” I muttered, dimly aware that we both knew the truth. “Not my name.”

“Fuck, I know that. But since I don’t know what to call you...” Holden’s frustration fizzled out before it exploded. “Let’s get you inside.”

I dipped in and out of consciousness, so I didn’t realize what was happening until Holden stood and scooped me into his arms. Somewhere a voice in the back of my mind screamed in protest, and I reached out a hand to smack him. I shouldn’t be in his arms. He shouldn’t be the one taking care of me. But I found myself clinging to him instead. Somehow, Holden had become my last grasp on reality.

Well, I was screwed.

Holden carried me into the house. I had no idea where he was taking me until he started up the stairs.

“Oh no,” I mumbled. “Not to bed.”

He chuckled, sounding bemused. “Keep your knickers on, dirty girl. I’m only taking you to lie down.”

Holden kept his word. He carried me to the room I shared with Spencer and placed me on the bed. Since I’d gone down to breakfast, someone on the staff had already made it up. Holden arranged pillows around me, then took a seat at my side.

“Just breathe,” he coaxed me.