Page 28 of Break Me: Smith and Belle

“Later,” I promised her. The truth was that talking to Clara might help me understand more of what was going on in my head. Clara had been through pregnancy. Clara had faced uncertainty and danger. She had children of her own. Suddenly, I couldn’t remember why I had been avoiding her in the first place. It was strange how much clearer everything seemed in London compared to Thornham. Problems didn’t seem as insurmountable here.

We broke apart. Clara looked over my shoulder apprehensively. She waited for a moment for Edward to speak. When he didn’t, I turned, sliding my arm around Clara’s waist, and gave him a barbed look. I understood the gamut of emotions he felt when he saw her. We’d discussed the confusion that came as a result of David’s death and Clara’s disappearance before.

Clara swayed on her feet a little, her free hand wrapped tightly around the handle of the baby carriage. I nudged her forward with my palm. “You two should talk.”

I moved over and took the pram from her, strolling with it towards the display I’d been looking at a moment ago. Leaning down, I lifted Wills, who gurgled with pleasure at the sight of my face.

“Remember me?” I asked him softly.

He grinned more widely. Seeing him, I remembered all the time I had spent at Buckingham leading up to Penny’s birth. Helping with Wills had felt natural. Why had it been so hard with Penny? I knew that my hormones changed and that it was a different kind of responsibility, but putting Wills on my hip while he reached for my necklace, I was left to wonder if maybe I was better with babies than I thought. Why could I only see this here? Why had we decided to move to the country?

I forced myself to return to my perusal of the bedding for Jane’s guest room, stealing glances at Edward and Clara as I did. Georgia joined me and pretended to be interested in shopping.

“How’s it going?” I asked in a low voice.

“No one’s dead yet.” She picked up a pillow sham, turned it over like she never seen it one before, and put it back down.

“You could have warned me,” I told her.

“I wasn’t giving either of you the chance to back out of this. Honestly, the holidays were very hard on Clara. She’s had a lot of nightmares. Alexander makes her feel better, but sometimes a girl needs her best friends.” It was an oddly thoughtful move on Georgia’s part, I realized. I knew she’d grown closer to Clara, but it occurred to me that Georgia might not be as cold as I thought.

I swallowed against the guilt that rose inside me as I heard this. I’d been so consumed with my own concerns that I’d never stopped to wonder if Clara was calling because she needed me.

“I wish we had never left London,” I said, surprising myself.

Georgia snorted, her attention devoted to analyzing throw pillows. “Out with it. If you have an opinion, share it.”

“Smith thought he could run from trouble, but I don’t know why he can’t see—”

“That trouble always finds us?” I finished for her. I sighed, deciding on the plum color. Not everything in life had to match perfectly. Not everything in life could. Thornham proved just that. “I don’t want to stay there anymore.”

“I know,” Georgia said simply. “I’m working on it.”

I wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but we were interrupted by Clara and Edward Both of them had tears in their eyes as they joined us. Edward hesitated a moment before holding out his arms for Wills.

“Do you mind if I hold my nephew?”

I glanced at Clara, realizing her tears were happy ones. It was a good reminder that tears come as often with joy as sadness. “Not at all.”

Georgia was right. We wouldn’t solve anything by hiding from our problems, especially if our problems were going to follow us. We had to face them. I just had to get Smith to see that London was the place to make our stand.

13

Smith

If Belle thought that Penny wouldn’t miss her, she was wrong. Nora and I had been taking turns for the last few hours passing the baby back and forth, but Penny remained inconsolable. She wanted her mother, and no one else would do. Still, I was grateful the young nanny was here to help me. Especially after circling the nursery for the last hour until Penny tired herself out.

I walked into the kitchen triumphantly, carrying a sleeping baby to find Mrs. Winters digging into the pantry.

“Is everything okay?” I asked in a low voice, not wanting to wake Penny up.

Mrs. Winters turned, a startled hand flying to her cheek, her eyes in a daze. She shook her head as if to clear it. “Quite.”

The housekeeper had been acting strangely since Nora’s allergic reaction. She blamed herself, which for the old battle ax meant projecting that guilt on everyone around her. I took a step forward and examined the array of items on the counter.

“Clearing out the cupboards?”

Her face pinched into a look that would have withered fruit on the spot. It merely amused me. “If you must know, I’m getting rid of allergens.”