Page 43 of Consume Me

I sighed when I saw the caller ID. Anders really wasn’t trying to hide anything from me. “Hello?”

“Are those your guys acting like bad shadows or do I have a problem?” Anders asked.

“They’re mine.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. I’d told Anders some of what was going on, but that was before things had spun out of control. He had no idea why I was having him watched now. He didn’t know Clara was missing. There was no point involving him.

“Is this a permanent perk?” he grumbled.

“Welcome to the family.” It was easier to pretend that it was just another burden of royal life than more than that.

“Great. First, you send Miss Bossy Knickers to criticise my every move and now I have bodyguards.” He paused. “What happens if I move to Australia?”

“I suggest you learn to surf.” I didn’t have time for this, but it was serving to distract me from the fact that I’d arrived to my rooms.

“By the way, tell your wife to call her sister. I tried to reach her, but she’s ignoring us. Is this some type of isolation torture—shove us together and see what happens if we’re left to our own devices? Because I’m not sure—”

“I’ll tell her,” I cut him off and hung up. I didn’t have time for his little problems. Once one member of Clara’s family began to question her absence, others would, too. The last thing I needed was a panicked Madeline Bishop fluttering about the war room.

I paused outside the entrance to my home within Buckingham. I’d been all over the palace since the day I lost her, but I’d been avoiding this. Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door.

It was surreal—familiar and foreign at the same time. This was my home, but the involuntary joy I usually felt when entering was absent. Instead I felt hollowed out as though I’d found myself in a vacuum. There was nothing here. All the light had gone out from this place.

Around me the little reminders of Clara sparked nothing more than a numb sadness. How long would it be before they sparked nothing at all?

I decided not to dwell on it. Instead, I went to our bedroom, hesitating near the door across the hall. Elizabeth’s room. I’d been avoiding her to. Unable to face our daughter, knowing she wouldn’t understand what had happened to her mother.

Knowing she might never understand.

Inside, I heard low voices though: Smith and Belle.

In a moment of self-loathing, I opened the door to find them seated closely together. Elizabeth was playing on the ground, oblivious to Belle’s blanched face and doubled over position. Smith knelt beside her, rubbing her back soothingly.

Stepping in, I tried to ignore the wave of jealousy that rolled through me. It should be me coming to check on my wife. It should be Clara watching over our daughter.

It wasn’t their fault that wasn’t the case. They were doing what they could for me. But I resented seeing what I didn’t have from some pure place inside of me that couldn’t be reasoned with. As the door clicked shut behind me, Belle looked up, rearranging her slack face into a beaming smile.

“Alexander,” she said, swallowing hard on the last syllable. “Come to see Elizabeth?”

My daughter who’d caught wind of her father’s name flopped onto her side. Pushing onto her tiny palms, she stood and began toddling toward me, laughing and crying at the same time.

Part of me wanted to turn and bolt. I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t answer when she asked for “mummy.” Instead I allowed instinct to take over. Dropping down, I caught her in my arms. She wrapped two chubby arms around my neck and held on for dear life as a steady stream of gibberish babbled from her.

“She misses you,” Belle said without a hint of accusation. “Edward’s been coming to see her, but he’s been busy with the—”

She clapped a hand over her mouth, her pale face turning visibly green. Belle was pregnant, too. Belle needed rest. I’d been too caught up in my own problems to remember that the people I considered my family had their own needs.

“I’ve been ordered to take a shower and a nap,” I said to Smith. “I think maybe Belle could use a break. I’ll take Elizabeth.”

Smith mouthed his thanks as he helped a still-green Belle to her feet.

“Use one of the bedrooms if you want,” I told them as I gathered a blanket and supplies.

“I’ll be back soon,” Belle promised, guilt clashing with queasiness on her face. She looked so pained, I could almost feel it, too.

“Don’t worry about it. My place is here.” I glanced down to my daughter. I wasn’t ready to admit she was all I had left, but I couldn’t keep ignoring that I still had her.

“Thank you,” Smith said under his breath as we left the nursery.

I forced a smile, hoping I looked sincere, as we parted ways. They headed to the other end of the hall where a number of guest suites sat unused.