Page 148 of Vega

Nobody laughed that time.

Lux covered his face with both hands as the room went silent again.

I wanted to apologize right then. I felt like this was all my fault, but the words felt too small for the amount of blood I had seen on Vega. So, I just sat there in the silence with guilt swallowing me. Minutes dragged into more minutes. Every time someone walked past the waiting room, everyone’s eyes darted hopeful towards the sound. Every time the phone at the desk rang, Lowe’s mother flinched. Lux kept wiping his face with the bottom of his shirt.

I couldn’t breathe in that room because all that grief had a name, and in my head, that name was mine.

I stood. “I need air.”

Vega’s eyes came to mine. “I’ll come with you.”

“No. I’m just going in the hall.”

He studied me for a second, then nodded. “Stay where I can see you.”

I stepped out before he changed his mind. The hallway wasn’t much better, but at least it didn’t have Lowe’s mother’s sobs in it. I paced near the vending machines, rubbing my hands together, trying to push the guilt out of my body and failing.

I pressed my fingers under my glasses and wiped my eyes as the waiting room door opened. Lux stepped out with Saint beside him. Saint had his phone in one hand and a few dollar bills in the other, probably headed toward the vending machines.

Lux stopped when he saw me.

“You good?” he asked.

That made me cry harder. I hated that he had just asked me that while his brother was in surgery.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed.

He frowned a bit. “For what?”

“For Lowe. For all of it. I’m so sorry, Lux. This happened because of me.”

Saint stopped beside him but didn’t interrupt.

Lux stared at me for a second, then shook his head. “Nah. Don’t do that.” His voice came out rough but not mean. “Don’t take blame for what Roman did. My brother got hit because we went in there as family. We knew what it was when we stepped out that van.”

My tears kept falling. “I don’t want anyone getting killed or hurt because of me.”

He sighed and this time his words came out gentler. “Listen to me, Sonnet. We’d do it again. Vega chose you. That means we chose you too. You ain’t some random girl he’s hiding anymore. You’re family now because my family made you family. And we built to risk it all for family.”

Saint nodded once in agreement.

I wiped my face with the heel of my hand just as a surgeon turned the corner with two residents behind him. Lux froze, Saint straightened, and I stopped breathing.

The surgeon’s eyes moved to us. “Family for Lowe Carter?”

Lux didn’t answer. He just turned and shoved the waiting room door open. “The surgeon is here!” he called out.

Vega stood when I rushed back in behind Lux and Saint. Lowe’s mother stepped forward, gripping his father’s hand so hard her knuckles lost color. Wise, Prodigy, Reek, Big A, and all the parents gathered near her.

The surgeon removed his cap and held it in front of himself.

That one motion made the room fall apart before he said a word.

Lowe’s mother started crying harder. “No. Please no! Please.”

Lux’s father held her. “Debra, c’mon now. Let the man speak.”

The surgeon raised a hand to stop her from falling apart. “He made it through surgery.”