Page 75 of Dickathlon

“You really wanted to make a package joke, didn’t you?”

Ty laughed. “Yeah.” And kissed me.

Jesus, how is he so fucking perfect?

I broke it off. “What about the shower?”

“Oh yeah. That.”

The kids cheered as we made our appearance in the living room, but before they could start shredding the presents open, Victoria handed me a red velvety scarf?

“Would you be our Santa this year, Declan?”

“Santa?”

“Yeah, you dress up in the jacket and hand out the presents to the kids,” Ty explained.

“I can definitely do that.”

I pulled off my shirt and unfolded the jacket. Slipping it on, I went to adjust it, then I heard it.

“What are you doing?”

Everyone heard. I fucking tore the jacket.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-”

“Why is Declan naked, mommy?”

“Just go pick out a present and I’ll tell you who it’s for,” Rene said.

“You were supposed to put the jacket on over your shirt,” Ty explained.

“Well, no one told me that.”

“Well, if it tore with him naked, it was definitely gonna tear if he put it over his shirt,” Pierce said.

“I’m not naked!”

“It’s fine, Declan. I’m sure I can sew it back together.”

“I’m so sorry, Victoria.”

“It’s fine, hon. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s funny, I hadn’t seen him turn green before he busted out of his clothes,” Travis teased.

“Oh my God, we’re totally calling you the Hulk now,” Pierce added.

I rolled my eyes inwardly. I supposed there were worse nicknames.

“It’s really okay, Declan,” Ty whispered. “I’ll still be your boyfriend.”

We sat down on one of the loveseats and I whispered back, “I hope so. You sure it’s not a big deal?”

“My mom said she could fix it. It’s not burnt to a crisp or anything. Stop worrying, everyone still loves you.”

He hadn’t realized he said it. At least, I didn’t think so. He was watching the kids open their presents. After I killed the Santa jacket, I think Owen felt bad for me and started handing out the presents instead.