Page 19 of Dickathlon

“Here you are, honey. What are you doing, sitting in the corner on your phone?”

I looked up, slipping my phone in my pocket, to see my mom with a pale, fidgety twink beside her. You’d think she’d know by now that the hunt was half the fun for me. She couldn’t just drop a guy in my lap and expect me to hit it off. I had to admit that he was cute, but he didn’t exude confidence. It looked like he thought I was going to eat him. And on any other night, I might have, and then split him in half. But I also knew my mom probably had three others lined up if I didn’t entertain this one, so I planned on humoring her.

“This is Freddie. He works at the hospital with your father.”

I nodded politely, then had to hide my laugh as she nudged him forward. I felt like I was a Greek god watching the villagers lead a virgin sacrifice to the cliffs. I might’ve considered giving him a load, but Ian’s girl had already pissed me off and then my sad-ass message to Tyler tore me up a little. I wasn’t looking to take someone to pound town tonight. It didn’t look like Freddie would survive the ride.

Freddie, once he got over whatever hangup he had, wasn’t so bad. We had similar taste in music, both enjoyed Italian food, and had a crush on Taylor Kitsch. But I flat out told him I didn’t really date, and I wasn’t going to fuck him and leave him on Christmas Eve.

I didn’t think I had ever seen that shade of red on a face before. His stuttering after what I said was adorable, trying to say something about how he certainly hadn’t thought that was going to happen.

A quick glance at his gray dress pants told me otherwise. There was something about him, other than the dick print, that made me smile. For once, my mother, or more likely my father, had found someone I clicked with. It had been so long I didn’t really know what to do. I had friends, but I always hung out with them as a group. I didn’t do the one on one thing at all, and my coach didn’t count. It was always the group goes to the movies, or the group goes to the gym. It took an awkward guy fumbling with a napkin in front of me to realize I didn’t really have a best friend.

Ugh. That’s sad.

“I still can’t believe I did this. I don’t really know how to say it, Declan…”

Uh-oh.

“...and don’t get me wrong, you’re completely gorgeous, but I’m straight.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah. I…please don’t tell your father, but for some reason he thinks I’m gay. I am really trying hard to get this fellowship under him, and I didn’t want to correct him. When he mentioned he wanted to introduce me to his son, I thought it would be a good way to get on his good side.” He looked over at me, waiting for my response as if I were going to be angry.

The laugh that flew out of my mouth made several heads turn towards us. I pulled him toward the hallway so we’d have a little more privacy. “How far were you gonna let this go?”

He managed to smile, while he shrugged. “I dunno. I definitely wasn’t planning on seeing your penis. I think after a few inches, I would’ve asked you to stop.”

“Oh fuckin’ A, you’re a little freak, Freddie. And now I know you’re straight. Penis. Oh my god, this is hilarious. I feel so used! Wait…you said you had a crush on Taylor Kitsch too.”

“I do have a crush on her. I thought that meant you were bi or something.”

“Taylor Kitsch is an actor from Friday Night Lights. Long, blond hair, gorgeous bubble butt. I’m guessing he has an amazing dick.”

“Well, I was talking about Taylor Kiche, the female supermodel.”

“Okay, that explains a little.” My brain was trying to catch up. “Why’d you pop a chub after I said I wasn’t going to fuck you tonight.”

“I’ve been soft this entire conversation.”

“Oh.” Oooh, that means… “I guess you’re packin’ then. Shit, dude. You’re a hung freak.”

His blush came back.

“If it helps, we can pretend to date if you want,” I said, without thinking.

“Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Why not? You seem like a cool guy, and maybe I need a friend right now.”

“I seriously doubt that. What do you even get out of this? Why would you help me?”

“If my mom thinks we’re dating, she won’t try to set me up with anyone else.”

He seemed to consider that for a moment. “So…we’re friends?” Freddie asked.

“I’m game if you are.”