Page 16 of His Christmas Love Song

Ryan checks his phone. He gets a little smile on his face and taps out a short text before looking up. Who is he texting? Hank?

“Yeah. Should we go see what Columbia, Vermont, has to offer?”

“Sounds good. I’ll get my jacket.”

He goes to his room, looks at himself in the mirror. He wonders if he should change out of the sweatshirt and jeans he’s wearing. But that would be ridiculous. He doubts there’s a dress code, and Ryan’s wearing something similar. He runs a hand through his hair, realizes he hasn’t shaved today. What’s the big deal? Ryan knows what he looks like. It’s not like Ryan’s suddenly going to look at him and think—

Jesse has to grab the edge of the dresser for support when the realization hits him. Ryan isn’t going to just look at him one day and see someone he’d want. He’s got a touch of vertigo at his own stupidity. It’s not like he wants Ryan to want him. Does he?

He lets go of the dresser slowly, forces himself to turn away from the mirror and grab his warm jacket. There must be something in this Vermont air that’s messing with his mind. He and Ryan are friends. Best friends. And despite both being technically the right gender for a possible physical relationship, that’s never been on the table. At first, it was because Jesse wasn’t about to screw up his opportunity to advance his music career, and then later, it was about them becoming true friends. Plus, they were always seeing other people, and it never came up.

But what if it had? Would Jesse have been interested?

The way he’s been acting, or reacting, the last couple of days, makes him think that not only would he have been interested, but he is interested. In Ryan. Which is just weird. Not to mention pathetic.

Ryan’s the most beautiful person Jesse’s ever known. He’s got a voice like a fallen angel, a face like a naughty one. He’s hard to get to know but once you’re in, he’s loyal and kind to his core. Ryan is so far out of Jesse’s league, he still wakes up and can’t believe that Ryan talks to him, let alone cares about him, wants to work with him. He lucked into this and on some level, he keeps expecting his luck to run out.

When he meets Ryan at the door to the cabin, and Ryan smiles at him. Jesse’s heart flip flops in his chest; he’s pretty sure the sand is running out of the top of the hourglass. Everything’s about to get turned upside down. And unless he stops this nonsense he’s going to get banged up in the process.

“You want me to look for a spot or just drive and see what we find?” Ryan asks as they walk to their rental SUV. “Hank mentioned an Asian fusion place. He said to stay away from the Italian place by the train tracks. Apparently, it’s bad.”

“Uh, yeah, let’s just go,” Jesse says. He nearly forgot about Hank in his mini-freakout. It doesn’t matter how he feels, it only matters how Ryan feels. And it seems like Ryan has feelings for Hank. Which is just dandy.

“Is everything okay?” Ryan asks, side eyeing him.

“Uh, yeah. I’m just hungry.”

“Okay. Want me to drive?”

“Nah,” Jesse says, trying for his usual nonchalance. “I got it.”

It’s only a five-minute drive from the lodge to what passes for downtown Columbia. There’s a single main street with a few cross streets, a couple of stop lights, and then civilization tapers off into rural roads.

“There’s Hank’s clinic.” Ryan points out a squat gray building next to a dentist’s office and across the street from a pharmacy. There’s a tiny used bookshop and a coffee shop and a smattering of clothing stores on the next block.

By the time they get to the end of the main drag, they realize their choices are Mexican, Asian, and a diner. After a short debate, they decide on the diner since it’s the one most likely to be open at this time of day.

“What sounds good to you?” Jesse asks once they settle into a booth by the window. He’s almost too hungry to decide, and he’s basically going to ask the server to choose something for him, when he realizes Ryan’s not even looking at the menu, but at his phone again.

“Something urgent?” Jesse asks.

“Huh?” Ryan looks up, distracted. “No, it’s Hank. He says the chicken fried steak is good here.”

“Well, if Hank said it, then obviously that’s what we should order.” Jesse winces as he hears the sarcasm in his voice.

“Seriously, what is up with you? Hank has been nothing but nice to us since we got here,” Ryan says sharply.

“Nothing,” Jesse mutters. How can he tell Ryan the only reason he’s pissy about Hank is because Ryan seems to like him so much? Not only does that make him the biggest hypocrite on the planet, after spending the last six months trying to set Ryan up, but it would only lead to questions he’s not prepared to answer. “Chicken fried steak. Great.”

“You love chicken fried steak,” Ryan says, still puzzled.

“I know. So I’m ordering it. Let’s just drop it.” Jesse immediately feels bad when Ryan’s expression shutters. God, he’s such an asshole. Jesse’s inconvenient feelings aren’t Ryan’s problem. Ryan fiddles with his napkin and he wants to touch his hand, to reassure him that just because Jesse’s having some weird “Ryan is hot” phase, it doesn’t change anything. But he keeps his hands to himself, orders the chicken fried steak as graciously as possible. Ryan orders a chicken Caesar salad, and they both order coffee.

“You wanna hear a song I’ve been working on when we get back to the lodge?” Jesse asks, both to change the subject and get his mind on something that makes sense—work.

“Sure, Jess.” Ryan’s still fiddling with his napkin and Jesse wonders what Hank texted to him. More than just a dinner recommendation, he’d wager.

“So, uh, you know how Hank was at breakfast this morning?”